The Warped Mind

Speak With me

2010-03-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

On March 11th, he was arrested at his apartment's parking lot in Segambut. Police brought him to an apartment he rented in Kepong, and after entering, claimed that in that residence, he possessed 800grams of cocaine, and 140grams of methamphetamine, and accused him of processing and trafficking, putting him under the risk of being charged under Section 39B, which carries the death penalty.

On March 12th he was remanded for 7 days. When my parents inquired if we can engage a lawyer, the Investigation Officer told us "No need".

On March 17th, after our family waited more than an hour, we were allowed to see him for the very first time, under supervision.
Again my mother asked if we should get him a lawyer, again the I.O advised against it, claiming "Lawyer tak boleh buat apa-apa sekarang. Buang duit je. (Lawyer can't do anything now. It's simply a waste of money)."

On March 18th, his remand was extended another 7 days. The magistrate inquired why there was no lawyer present for him, and whether he was made aware he had the right to a counsel of his choice. He replied "No." Therefore, he requested for one, and only nine hours later, did the I.O call to inform my mother, who promptly engaged Amer Hamzah Arshad.

But the very next day, the police used their Executive authority under Section 28A that vetoed his right to a counsel. All requests made by our lawyer to visit him was denied.

Only after we complained to SUHAKAM, did the police allow Amer to visit him.
On the last day of his remand.
After the investigations were concluded.
For only 15 minutes.

On March 25th, he was brought to court, and charged under Section 12(2) for possession of 0.24grams of metaphetamin in his Segambut residence. Nothing the police claimed they found in the Kepong residence, the cocaine and shabu that was "already packaged to be distributed" or the so called "cocaine processing mini-lab" was brought to court.

Because there WAS none.

He was released on bail. A trial date was set. He was so close to being free, and seeing his 4 year old son again.
But as he was signing the papers of his release, the Plainclothes were outside waiting.

Not two steps after he came out of the bail department, without any explanation, they re-arrested him. Amer was restrained from protecting him, and only after Amer repeatedly asked them to show their I.D, did they do so. Still, no explanation was given to the family. We were merely told to go to the Headquarters and speak to Inspector Kang. The same guy who claimed my brother possessed the cocaine they NEVER found.

He never saw us, he was "in a meeting." He wasn't too occupied to give the press a statement, but was unavailable to see us.
We were told by the new I.O for this case, and the DSP (the guy who signed the papers denying my brother the right to a counsel) that they are detaining him for 60 days under the Special Preventive Measures Act (LPK), after which, they could further detain him for 2 years if found guilty.

Guilty according to THEM. For under this act, it is a detention without trial, like the Internal Security Act. Any information gathered from "witnesses" and "investigations" will never be disclosed to him or his lawyer, or the court. He will also not be able to defend himself against any allegations. Under this act, he will never have his day in court.

On March 25th, my brother, Ben, was denied his Constitutional rights.

For 2 weeks, our family went through hell. Sleepless nights, press waiting outside our door, Ben had asthma attacks after the police delayed themselves in acquiring the requested medication for 3 days, mama suffered chest pains and lost her voice.
We felt it was all worth it, for we would be able to have him back.

But now, a new nightmare has begun.
Whether or not Ben is guilty, should not be for the Police to decide. If they HAD the evidence to strengthen their warrant for re-arrest, why was it not brought to court? Why is Ben not given a chance to defend himself? How can we ever know the authenticity of these so called witnesses and their statements? If there were ANY to begin with?

Under this act, I could simply be caught for any crimes of drug offences the police accuse me of, because they can claim they have enough information (even if they have absolutely nothing) and detain me. For 60 days, for 2 years, and even EXTEND it after.

Acts like this and the ISA are licenses for ARBITRARY arrest and detention. Anytime. Anywhere. Anybody.

My family and Amer will not back down. We will fight for Ben's right. We will speak up for all of those who were silenced before us, who will be silenced hereafter.

But we seek your help. In any way at all, help us fight this. Re-post this, write on your blogs, write to your local representative, to our newspapers, and together we shall use our voice, our art, our space, to stand up not just for Ben, but for all our rights.

Liberty is a Constitutional right. It's time to get it back.

The feminist Genesis

2009-12-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

"Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all
of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but
I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain;
all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and
will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he
will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in
childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He
won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think
properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with arched eyebrows,"but what's the catch,
Lord?"

"Well.....you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that, Lord? "

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring...so you'll have
to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our
little secret...you know, woman to woman..."

Out with the Old and In with the New

2009-03-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

I've moved to this blog: www.thehiddenlights.blogspot.com

I guess I should answer some of your questions.

Why did I decide to change my blog?

I've changed and so I wanted to change my blog
Wanted to start something fresh and to move on from the past. A lot of the posts there get under my skin when I read them now. LITERALLY!
to get away from those lick hung bastards who keep spamming that 3 year old post! (half kidding)

Why from The Warped Mind to Hidden Lights?

The Warped Mind was when I was going through a bad bad patch in my life, I've moved on from that patch
I'm still cynical and pessimistic! That much hasn't changed! Just the degree of it has changed I guess. Just like the concept of Hidden Lights... there is normally a lining to every dark cloud... no matter how fine it is. Sometimes you just don't see it. Trust me. It happens.
The nature of my writing is still dark and twisted I guess. No helping that. But am hoping to move towards a slightly less emo style of writing at least! (sorry Yelena!)

Will I be deleting The Warped Mind?

Nope. I won't be deleting it. It'll stay there. Its like an archive of sorts for me anyways.
I will be transferring SOME of the old stuff here... mostly the stories and some of the more interesting posts... If I am feeling hard working that is ;)

The words that whisper

2009-02-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

Here I am again old friends
Whispering to myself and at my wits ends
Surrounded again by familiar faces
Of the numbness and hurt there are no traces

Here I am again
Looking for solace from the pain
A thousand ideas floating and floating
Whispering to me and begging writing

Here I am again alone
Feeling pieces of me slowly turn to stone
The words all slowly whisper to me
And I'm no longer conscious you see

Here I am again and nothing matters
And only to the inner voice I cater
No other thought resounds and I am free
As I go on my writing spree

Here I am ... jus a bit later
reading what I put to paper
So this is where its like to be a writer
I hate it... I hate being alone here

Decorating the christmas tree

2009-02-16T16:55:00.001-08:00

Slemo challenged me to write this piece a while back... just that I hadn't been able to find the time... I still don't have the time... but I need to do something desperately to take my mind off things for a little while...

There was the scent of ash and brine stone that not so subtly lingered. The heat from the the room was intense and almost suffocating. It was so bright in the room that it seemed to glow bright red.

Then the lights went out.

He sighed. 'Power outage,' he thought to himself. 'Right on time too.' But he didn't need light to see what he was doing. It was an age old routine for him. Decorating his Christmas tree. He reached for the box at the floor and continued.

Christmas. What a wonderful time of the year.

Couples reunited over the holidays. Holding hands while walking down streets lit up with Christmas decorations. Kissing each other under the mistletoe. Making passionate love under the starlight. People randomly hooking up in the spirit of Christmas.

He placed the first of his decorations on the tree.

The food. Yes. How can one forget the food! Always plenty to eat! Turkey, mash potato, mac and cheese... The list of food just goes on and on. Banquets, tables filled to the brim with foods that tease and pleasure the palate endlessly. You could just eat and eat and then some more.

The second of the decorations went on the tree.

Sleeping in on Christmas morning. Lazing around; a comfort of doing something so obscenely simple; yet is denied to us on working days. Lying in bed daydreaming. Just doing nothing at all.

Smiling to himself, he placed the third decoration.

The shopping! Oh! The shopping! Every woman's dreams come true! Huge discounts! Malls opened till late. Buying things that you don't exactly need but get anyway because well... its Christmas. A small splurge won't hurt. We'll just tighten our belts later on. Okay, maybe a little bigger than a small splurge. But its all in the spirit of Christmas.

He rolled his eyes and placed the fourth decoration on the tree.

Then comes the showing off. My gift to my wife cost me 12,000 pounds. I bought my girlfriend a brand new diamond ring for Christmas. Ego masturbation via expensive gifts for your loved ones and the best part? Showing it off to everyone who can see it.

Smirking, he added the fifth decoration.

The poor people. Looking through windows at fancy restaurants where people feasted. Waiting in the cold desperately for any kind of hand out. Picking scraps from the rubbish bins. Their hearts full of bitterness and jealousy towards those who had everything they wanted and more for Christmas.

Yes. Yes. This is more like it. The sixth decoration took its place.

Traffic jams. Overcrowding. Hatred. Blinding hatred. Alcoholism. Robberies. Car accidents. People screaming their pain out for all their lacking during Christmas. People furious at themselves for not being able to get what they wanted for Christmas. Not being able to afford to. Angry at themselves for spending Christmas alone because they have no one else. Bitterness.

The final decoration took its place at the tree.

At that second, the lights came back on. The screams of the damned returned to the room. The heat burned a thousand times hotter than it has been a second ago.

'I guess the break's over. Even the damned deserve a small reprieve. Its Christmas after all. '

Lust, gluttony, sloth, greed, pride, envy and anger.

My seven favorite decorations for Christmas.

'You gotta love Christmas,' and what was once the most beautiful face in the world, lit up.

'Awesome for business.'

One of My favorite poems

2009-02-16T04:24:00.000-08:00

DULCE ET DECORUM EST₁

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas!⁷ Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Compare it with this poem:

Charge of the Light Brigade

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred.

Like many things in life, the media glorifies things that shouldn't be glorified. War. Beauty. Living life in the fast lane. And yes; even love.

Look past the cliches. Look past the poster pictures of how things should be. Look at how they ACTUALLY are. Don't forget they are trying to sell you an image, a life style, and ideal. Their versions are basically version that are beyond your reach. They make you want something that you can't attain. They make you dream a little too hard. Put a little bit too much of yourself into it.

Then things crumble around you, when you realise... it was an impossible dream after all.

Confidence restored

2009-02-16T03:23:00.000-08:00

Last night was a pretty scary thing for me... Since the debacle at S&S Malaysia last year.. I've not been very confident about my work at all... in terms of writing scripts and plays... yea... I know most of you said it wasn't the scripts fault... but I still feel that if it was a strong enough script it would have pulled through poor actors and a bad director... So I felt the blame was partly mine... if not mostly mine...

My latest script had pretty mixed reactions when I showed it to my friends. I guess the biggest thing to me was that old man and bro didn't like it. Cliched jokes. Cliched writing. And those were among the nicer things my old man and bro said about it!

Imagine how nervous I was when I was about to let a bunch of strangers at LiveShox read it out and then comment on it. People you've never met before, they don't have to pretend to like it. They don't have to mince words.

Wow. This sucks.

Wow. This is the worse crap I've ever read.

Wow. You what a waste of ten minutes of my life.

Yes. My imagination ran wild at the negative comments I would get for the script. Yes. I'm an eternal pessimist! Act surprised at that statement please! ACT LA!!!! =)

When it was almost my turn for my script to be read, I could feel my hands get clammy and sweaty. My stomach felt like it was going to twist itself out of my insides into my outsides! Thats when I text licia.... and she said everything would be ok... that it was a good script and I was worrying too much... I felt a little better... but still nervous as hell....

It was like a wine to my ears... hearing them laugh at the jokes I thought people would think were sick... or lame.... it was music to my ears when people who had a copy of the script were laughing before the readers read the lines... It was close to a multiple orgasm when they expressed shock at the twist at the end... and laughed all the harder....

Looking at the smiles around me... I found myself looking for the one smile.... that mattered most to me... which wasn't there.... and that tainted the moment for me... I wish you were there to watch my rebirth licia... to see my confidence about my writing go throught the ashes and burn brightly again...

Either way... I don't feel so useless anymore =)

To baby Jenhong ... love uncle bince

2009-02-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

little feet and a little smile
how beautiful is our first born child
we promise to care for you
and as parents always be true
from small things to big things
from a toy ball to your own personal swing
we promise to provide for you
and more importantly to always love you too

V day~*

2009-02-13T03:31:00.000-08:00

Not quite how I imagined how I would be spending it...

not gonna go into details... but jus wanna say thx to a few people who were of big help!

Eunice ~* thanks for all the help with the color scheme and finding little little pictures!
YY ~* thanks for helping me figure out how to move the boxes and finding the template!
B ~* thanks for fixing my script for the repeat for the gradient background
Ming Ming ~* for suggesting the gradient background idea

most of all.. I would like to thank:

GOOGLE!

w/o which nothing would have been possible = =;

Writing and my Licia...

2009-01-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

Ok... as you can see from the blog posts lately... I've not been posting much... I've been busy... in the nicest and most amazing way possible...

Jus a few things to talk about really...

First off, I am as of 19.01.09 , in a LDR relationship with Licia. I know some of you are suprised. Yea. Vince? Relationship? Let alone LDR!

Others will probably snicker and mutter dirty old man. I would like to point you in the direction of the nearest cliff and tell you to jump head first down it :) *is only half kidding*

I have some explaining to do I guess.

Its a little complicated between the two of us. Neither of us believe in LDR relationships. And from the first outlook of things, it didn't look like a LDR was in the cards. In the end, I'm super happy to say, we decided to take a leap of faith and have a crack at it! But I get ahead of myself. To be honest, I never saw a relationship in the cards at all!

No I'm not saying I jus wanted to fool around. Me n Licia have always been reasonable close. Bitching buddies. Ranting pals. We chat a lot on msn, and spam via sms sporadically abt small things, big things... basically most things. But I've always viewed her as a good friend. And yes, a little sister even.

So how did we go from sister - brother to bf - gf? I don't have an answer for you. I don't think she does either. It was jus a case of hanging out more and more. Enjoying each others company. I can't speak for her, but it became pretty damn addictive. I found myself talking more and more to her. Texting her when I couldn't see her or talk to her. Enjoying watching her laugh. Feeling helpless but to smile when she did. Reaching to hug her when she looked sad, or looked like she had something on her mind.

When you spend that much time with someone, and find yourself asking when you will see them again, you know something special is going on. Before I knew it, I guess she snagged my heart.

In the most wonderful way possible =)

When me n Licia talked about it, we couldn't explain what really happened either. I guess there is some magic left in the world after all. =)

The complication arises from the fact a few friends were 'interested' in her. They've always suspected I was trying to hit on her. Or something along those lines. I've always maintained she is like a little sister to me. But, like I explained earlier... it jus happened. And I make no apologies for it.

I have no qualms about being with her. And frankly, if you have anything bitchy or nasty to say; say it to me. I couldn't give a flying fuck. But if I find out you said anything to upset or hurt her feelings; I'd suggest that trip down the cliff I recommended to you earlier. It will be far less painful than what I'd do to you ;)

People say big events affect you in terms of mentality, perspectives and outlooks. Having Licia as a part of my life is no different. Looking at the past blog posts and stuff I've written, I feel like I'm reading stuff a different person wrote. I'm tempted to delete most of it actually. But I guess it is better to come to terms with the past than to ignore or pretend it never happened.

I've written 3 pieces for the first time since the S&S disaster. I feel refreshed. And I feel a difference in my writing style. Maybe some of you will notice it when I come out with my new pieces. Maybe you'll think, 'Whatever Vince... its the same old bullshit!'. Maybe it is. But it is MY bullshit. So if I say it smells like roses now instead of ammonia, you have two choices :

1) agree with me and read my writing
2) disagree and go back to your kiddy porn for entertainment ;)

I am ready to move back into my little realm of writing again. With some changes. Of course dark humor is still my forte and fav element. But I will even try to be slightly less emo ;P~ (please note the emphasis on TRY!)

Will be updating a lot more often from today onwards I hope. I'm targeting these few events / competitions this year for now:

1) MPH shortlist story
2) S&S Singapore
3) S&S Malaysia
4) S&S Aussie

I have the rough idea of what I want to write for the MPH competition. I've written my piece for S&S as you can see in the earlier blog post. The rest will come with time. So be patient with me.

I just wanna end this post with a little msg for my baby. I want to steal your favorite line every time I drop you off at your place. 'Thank you baby!'.

Thank you for not being afraid of my dark side. Thank you for accepting it. Thank you for helping me come to terms with a lot of things I didn't want to think about or face in the past. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for being my muse. Thank you for a wonderful start to the year. Thank you for rejuvenating my ambitions. Thank you for reminding me about the simple things in life that can make you happy. Thank you for making me feel again. Thank you for helping me relearn the meaning of contentment and peace of mind. Thank you for all the things we will learn together and do together in the future.

And most of all.

Thank you for loving me.

I love you dragon =)

We'll make it work. I know we will. And whatever happens baby, I will not have any regrets.

S&S script =)

2009-01-17T01:45:00.000-08:00

A dignified middle aged man dressed in a full suit and tie is seated on a chair. Lying on a sofa is a young man dressed in shorts and a singlet.

Middle aged man: So, what would you like to talk about today?

Young man: I don’t know where to start! There’s so many things that I would like to share with you.

Middle aged man: Well then, let’s start from the beginning if you like. I didn’t see anyone waiting outside, so we have some extra time today. That is if it is okay with you.

Young man: It’s fine with me. You’ve become like a friend to me.

Middle aged man: That’s very nice of you to say that.

Young man: So anyway, a month ago, my mother-in-law’s house was burned down in a fire.

Middle aged man: Oh, that’s tragic!

Young man: I know! After all that planning and by some freak chance she left the house to play resurrect-the-salami with some old geriatric!

Middle aged man: I don’t quite follow what you mean...

Young man: Oh! Resurrect-the-salami? After a certain age, a man’s private parts don’t work as well as...

Middle aged man: No... not THAT! Planning? That’s the part I didn’t understand.

Young man: This is completely private, remember! It’s in the agreement! You can’t tell anyone what is exchanged here!

Middle aged man: Yes I am well aware for that!

Young man: Well, business has been REALLY horrendous lately! As you noticed earlier, no one drops by any more. I’m so far in the red that the Chinese have started worshipping me as a Prosperity Deity!

Middle aged man: What does this have to do with your mother-in-law?

Young man: Well, I bought a huge life insurance policy for her recently.

Middle aged man: How did you manage that? They don’t normally give new policies to those so old.

Young man: I had to sleep with the insurance agent.

Middle aged man: Ah! That’s pretty scandalous!

Young man: I’d say! She was quite a looker too!

Middle aged man: See, things aren’t THAT bad after all! You got to sleep with a beautiful woman AND a policy for the old bird!

Young man: I thought that too... until her relative joined in the action.

Middle aged man: A threesome? You lucky dog!

Young man: Jus one problem. It was her 90 year old grandmother.

Middle aged man: That’s very very wrong.

Young man: I know. She’s like a human waxing machine!

Middle aged man: A human waxing machine? What on earth do you mean?

Young man: Well, her bits sag so far to the floor, that all you’d have to do is make her walk around the room a little and she’d end up polishing everything!

Middle aged man: I feel slightly nauseous.

Young man: I almost threw up myself. And I have pretty strong stomach.

Middle aged man: At least you could focus on the hot insurance agent.

Young man: She didn’t take part.

Middle aged man: I beg your pardon?

Young man: She said her granny had been feeling down lately, so she wanted a nice surprise for her. She did say I was really good looking, but she was a lesbian.

Middle aged man: So why didn’t you leave?

Young man: I was desperate for the policy!

Middle aged man: You poor soul.

Young man: Yes, and just when I got over the nausea from seeing THAT naked, I realised that the granddaughter and grandmother had one thing in common!

Middle aged man: They were both good in the sack?

Young man: No they were both into strap ons!

Middle aged man: Okay, I don’t want to know what happened next!

Young man: It wasn’t so bad...

Middle aged man: I didn’t know you swing that way.

Young man: Nah, I don’t. Her grandmother has Alzheimer’s. She poked me in the eye a few times, drooled a little, then rolled over and fell asleep.

Middle aged man: Okay, moving on swiftly from that image. I assume you didn’t get the policy since you didn’t... ‘perform’.

Young man: No, the hottie was a sweetie too. She said she realised how desperate for the policy to be willing to do all this for it.

Middle aged man: So she gave it to you anyway?

Young man: Nope. She said she’d give me a call when her grandfather who occasionally fancied putting from the rough was back in town.

Middle aged man: Let’s not dwell on this anymore. Let’s get back on the topic about your plan.

Young man: Yea, so I thought I’d bump off the mother-in-law and use the money to revive my business.

Middle aged man: That’s not a very sociable act to do. You could hang for murder if you get caught.

Young man: I still might. She moved in with us. I have two teenage daughters and a wife.

Middle aged man: Yes, it must be very hard to provide for four mouths with the economic recession lately.

Young man: Who cares about the money? You don’t know what happen when women stay close to each other do you?

Middle aged man: I’ve not had the opportunity to do that unfortunately. What happens?

Young man: Their biological clocks begin to sync. Soon I will have 4 simultaneously PMS’ing women under one roof!

Middle aged man: It can’t be THAT bad!

Young man: My friend, did you know PMS has been used as a valid defence for murder? At this rate I’ll probably have to kill or be killed!

Middle aged man: Well, its jus for a few days in a month. I’m sure you can bear with it.

Young man: You don’t understand. In my wife’s side, the ‘P’ in pre-menstrual tension has a different meaning from ‘Pre’.

Middle aged man: Oh? What does it mean then?

Young man: Perpetual!

Middle aged man: You’re exaggerating!

Young man: Not at all! They have pre, post and present menstrual tension in her side of the family. So it’s as good as perpetual! Anyway, thankfully my wife left me last week and took the kids with her.

Middle aged man: She went on a holiday?

Young man: She left me for my best friend.

Middle aged man: That’s horrible! You should beat the crap out your best friend.

Young man: I would. But animals have instincts. Nothing much I can do about that. So I don’t put any blame on...

Middle aged man: Instincts? Please! Friendship is precious! Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman. For any man to transgress that bond, let alone your best friend, is unforgivable!

Young man: Man? Who said my best friend was a man?

Middle aged man: Oh please! Don’t tell me your best friend is a woman! That’s so clichéd! You must be making this up!

Young man: No, my best friend is a Doberman. My wife says it pleases her in bed more than I ever could. A little whip cream in the right places and the mutt does wonders with it’s tongu..

Middle aged man: Ok. Spare me the details. How come your daughters left with her.

Young man: She told them I was sleeping with their grandmother.

Middle aged man: Your mother-in-law?

Young man: Yes.

Middle aged man: It was a lie wasn’t it?

Young man: Not exactly...

Middle aged man: How could you?

Young man: Well the sex life with the wife hasn’t been all that great lately and...

Middle aged man: You slept with HER MOTHER? That’s disgusting!

Young man: It wasn’t part of the plan!

Middle aged man: I bet it wasn’t!

Young man: No, you don’t understand. I bought some super strong aphrodisiacs from the pharmacist. Under the counter of course. The kids were at school. So I used the whole bottle to prepare two cocktails.

Middle aged man: What went wrong?

Young man: I heard someone say: ‘What are you doing, asshole?’ and I thought it was my wife.

Middle aged man: I’m sure your wife wouldn’t call you that.

Young man: You’re quite right. But hindsight is 20 – 20. My wife wouldn’t have used such a affectionate term. Anyway I said that I prepared a drink for her, and to meet me in the living room.

Middle aged man: And it was your in-law?

Young man: Yes and the rest is history.

Middle aged man: I’m sure if you explained to your wife what REALLY happened, she MIGHT forgive you. Or at least try to.

Young man: Yes she said she would have forgiven me... for the first three times it happened.

Middle aged man: What? Why did it happen more than once?

Young man: Her mother has no teeth left and wears dentures.

Middle aged man: I don’t see your point.

Young man: Well, when she takes them off she gives amazing blow j...

Middle aged man: That’s sick!

Young man: I couldn’t help myself!

Middle aged man: I’m not surprised your wife left you.

Young man: She called me two weeks ago tho.

Middle aged man: To try and patch things up?

Young man: No. To warn me her father was coming to kill me!

Middle aged man: For sleeping with his wife?

Young man: Yea. Why else? Anyway I was quite freaked out. Apparently he did some time for GBH before!

Middle aged man: Grievous Bodily Harm?

Young man: No. He has a fat woman fetish. Groping Big Ho’s!

Middle aged man: Is that an offence?

Young man: Yes, mostly to the average man’s taste and definitely offensive to the eyes! Anyway he broke into my house a few days ago. Scared the hell out of me! I thought he was going to kill me.

Middle aged man: What happened?

Young man: He’s a huge guy. Maybe 6’4. He stood there, towering over me while I was in my pyjamas. And he was holding a bottle.

Middle aged man: Did he hit you with it?

Young man: No. He asked me where I kept my wine glasses.

Middle aged man: Huh?

Young man: Yea. Said he wanted to talk to me. Wanted to know where I got the aphrodisiacs from. Apparently his wife’s not had interest in sex for a very long time. So he was REALLY grateful to me that I helped rekindle that.

Middle aged man: That’s like REALLY weird.

Young man: I know! He also asked me for some tips, on how to spice things up with the wife. Said there was this one time she asked him to talk dirty to her while she was on top of him. He said the wrong thing though.

Middle aged man: What did he say?

Young man: Get the fuck off?

Middle aged man: What?

Young man: Man United were playing!

Middle aged man: Okay! That I understand! So what happened next?

Young man: I hooked him up with my pharmacist and he and his wife have sex several times every night now.

Middle aged man: Oh? He told you?

Young man: No. He moved into my house. Now not only have my wife and children left me, I have to listening to my father-in-law screaming obscenities while he humps his wife in my kitchen while I’m getting NO sex. I can’t even go to the fridge to get a beer!

Middle aged man: Okay, okay! Let’s try to look for something MORE positive. Surely something GOOD had happened to you since we last met?

Young man: I found a religion.

Middle aged man: That’s great!

Young man: It didn’t last long though.

Middle aged man: Why not? What went wrong?

Young man: Jus some of the stuff they believed in.

Middle aged man: Like what?

Young man: Well for example, the women aren’t allowed to cry out when giving birth to babies.

Middle aged man: That’s ridiculous. Child birth is extremely painful. How could anyone expect that?

Young man: I know. I asked the religious leader the same thing. And he answered my question with a question: ‘Why do women give birth?’ and I couldn’t answer him.

Middle aged man: What was his answer?

Young man: Because it’s painful and they deserve it!

Middle aged man: I see why you left the religion now.

Young man: Left? Hell, that’s what made me JOIN the religion!

Middle aged man: Then what made you leave it?

Young man: I found out the founder was a writer.

Middle aged man: Oh? Was he a science fiction writer? That sort of makes sense. That would disillusion anyone.

Young man: No, he wrote books that promote white supremacy.

Middle aged man: Ah, so you left because you don’t believe in racism?

Young man: Nope, I left because I already have super low self esteem. I didn’t want to make it worse.

Middle aged man: I don’t understand.

Young man: The dude was a black guy.

Middle aged man: That’s kind of twisted!

Young man: I guess. Anyway buddy, time’s up! I’m afraid I have to meet someone else real soon. I’m sorry.

Middle aged man: No problem doc! You’re probably the best shrink I’ve ever met. I always feel so much better after listening to YOUR problems! And to think I was considering killing myself just because I suspected my wife is cheating on me. If you can go through all that shit and still surge ahead in life, then so can I!

Young man: That’s great to hear! I’m glad you feel better. Make an appointment with my secretary outside for next month. Take care till then!

Middle aged man: Thanks again doc!

Middle aged man leaves room and closes door behind him. Young man picks up phone and dials a number.

Young man: Hey sex kitten... what you wearing now? Oh! That’s hot! Yea. I’ll be over soon. Yea. Your husband jus left. Yup! Just like you said, he swallowed those aunt agony stories like a sponge. Will have to come up with more for next month. So anyway, I’ll bring some chocolate and champagne over and we can.....’

Fade to black out.

you know who you are...=)

2009-01-02T13:25:00.000-08:00

you know.. i thought and thought again and again about writing this post...

there are those who would misunderstand how i feel about you... and I'd have SO MUCH explaining to do...

about our relationship to each other...

so at first I thought I would avoid writing this post... after all I rarely blog any more...

but i've always.. and I mean always blogged about things that I really really feel strongly about... and tonight was jus one of those nights...

I know we saw each other like 4 months (ok my memory is shit! maybe less than that)

And tonight... after all that time and waiting.. you wanted me to go see people i can see ANY DAY... instead of spending time with you when you're moving to the US... and I'm not sure when I'll EVER EVER see you again... I was SO MAD... when you kept insisting I go see them... when I can see them any time... but was so damn unsure I'd ever see you again!!!!

yea

not

likely

If I had to break a million promises tonight... I would have still come to see you... and I wouldn't regret a second of the time we spent together...

and that's truth is my dear...

I don't regret a mili second of it!

sure... you were tired... and I was tired... and I had to sleep at the freaking road side cos I was too tired to drive home ( after trying to keep ANOTHER promise I made) ... sure I laughed louder than you did... ( I have a crap slapstick sense of humor despite my so call intelligence)

but seriously

talking to you... like no time at all passed between us...

it was such a big pleasure and relief all at the same time...

talking to you.. who were the very very first one who came to see me... when things feel apart between my parents... in that crappy crap field opposite ravi's in ss18... yea... by that swing... ahha... i was crying like a ... nvm... but you were there for me.. and I'll never ever forget.... ever =)

talking to you....

was a smile in the making

watching you smile

and laugh...

reminded me again... why I feel in love with you a little... when I was 18...

even though you were 45 minutes late for our valentines date.... and planned another valentines date after the one with me!! (tsk tsk you playette!!!)

I'd name you... but ... you already know who you are...

and the fact i'm talking about you... on my blog...

when I'll get a lot of pissed of people asking who the hell you are...

I love you... you freakin workahollic...

I'll give you back rub next time... make sure suki doesn't jump on you... or bark at you...

and most importantly...

I will get you a rose...

that hasn't freaking wilted due to the stupid heat in malaysia

(sorry la... I'm not the flower buying type of guy... flattered or not? *eheh* )

you are dear to my heart... and I hope you always will be

after all... theres not many girls I can say that I've known for 20 years...

w/o feeling like i'm about to hit my fourties =)

*hugs you*

please... please please... keep in touch....

love always

(in the end I did think of naming you... but you know who you are RC)

(no... not my programming lectuere RC Ho... whose name sound like.. well.. arsehole...)

vince

LDR stuff... I miss you so bad...

2008-12-19T11:05:00.000-08:00

long time no post? =)

sry... jus not been in the mood to write...
edit: wa lao... emo crap.... not having this in my blog = =

heres the song I'm talking about

Hello...
Can you hear me
Am I getting through to you

Hello...
Is it late there
Is there laughter on the line
Are you sure youre there alone
Cuz im
Trying to explain
Somethings wrong
You just dont sound the same

Why dont you
Why dont you
Go outside
Go outside

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever Im gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
Were under the same sky
And the nights
As empty for me as for you
If you feel
You cant wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello...
Do you miss me
I hear you say you do
But not the way Im missing you

Whats new
Hows the weather
Is it stormy where you are
You sound so close but it feels like youre so far
Oh would it mean anything
If you knew
What Im left imagining
In my mind
My mind
Would you go
Would you go

Kiss the rain

As you fall
Over me
Think of me
Think of me
Think of me
Only me
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever Im gone too long
If your lips
Feel hungry and tempted
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
Were under the same sky
And the nights
As empty for me as for you
If you feel you cant wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

(kiss the rain)
(kiss the rain)
(kiss the rain)

Hello...
Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Can you hear me

What are you made of?

2008-11-25T09:06:00.000-08:00

Pinky asked me to read her blog a few hours ago... so I was pretty curious. She rarely tells me when she updates her blog. So I figured it should be interesting.

this is her post:

made.

We are all made out of something. As cliche that might sound

Some of us are made out of gold, richer than most

Some of us are made out of diamond, more precious than others

Some of us are made out of glass, a little sharp yet fragile

Some of us are made out of metal, hardy but mouldable

Some of us are made out of love, wearing the heart at the sleeves and fingers.

Some of us are made out of lights, brighter than the moonlight

Do you know what you are made out of?

so what am I made of?

super interesting question. So I did what I normally do when I'm deep in thought. (no not have a beer... sigh... some impressions of you, you never really get to shake off I guess.) I had a ciggy and talked to suki!

Ok la. Not talked to her. More like talked at her. As it was, I had to bribe the lil mutt to listen to me. She had jus woken up from her all day nap and was way hyper-active. So I had to give her some innitiave to sit and listen. Voila la 'greenie'. (its a green colored treat you twits... not a booger!)

At first the thoughts that came to me about what I'm made of were pretty... well... depressing. Words like 'broken glass', 'disappointment', 'broken dreams' sprang to mine immediately. I wanted one specific word for it. And those words didn't encompass who I was completely. These words were just too negative.

I was also 'talented' (yea! honest!) 'blessed' (with great friends and an amazing brother and mother) 'intelligent' (compared to most of the morons in the world... thats not really saying much!). But these words were WAY too positive and didn't depict me in the entirety.

So I dug deeper.

Three greenies and a very happy pup later, I found the word I wanted.

I'm am made of 'masks'.

This is true for most people, I guess. But it applies to me in many ways that only my close friends and family will understand.

I keep my secrets jealously (when I'm not pissed drunk!). I smile when I don't feel like smiling. Pretend to be sad when I feel merely numb. I've laughed and joked when I jus felt like falling apart. The list goes on and on really.

Without going into too much personal details and revealing more than I care to in this blog, I can't really say much more.

Lets jus say in many ways I've always been a social and emotional chameleon. Not many have seen my true colors. There has always been a mask or two in the way.

So yea Pinky. I'm made of 'masks'. You know me better than most people. Do you think the word fits me? :)

Fantasy Writer vs What REALLY happened....

2008-11-23T03:47:00.000-08:00

Fantasy Writers perspective:

Armed with nothing but a wooden staff, our hero stumbled in the darkness. Cold sweat streamed down his face.Around him, the scent of rotting meat and smoke swirled in the air. Suppressing the shiver down his spine, he took another step forward and stopped before the door. Beyond this death awaited.

Fear gripped him and threaten to overwhelm him. His thoughts drifted to his brother, once a proud strong man; now a mewling wreak locked in his quarters. He had faced the beast earlier and it had left its mark on him. Would he meet the same fate?

He gripped the wooden staff more firmly.

He looked to his side. His loyal hunting hound. Suki. Here was a hound a warrior would be proud to have walk by him anytime. He strengthened his resolved and prepared to face the monster. 'To live in fear, is to die a little everyday,' he told himself.

He swung the door open. Scanning the surroundings, he did not have to look hard to spot the monster. Its eyes were red. He could see the twin white fangs portruding from its maw. Suki growled deeply, sensing danger. Her fur stood on its ends and she began to shake in fear from the beasts overwhelming aura of evil. Finally the fear overtook her notions of loyalty and love for her master and she fled; tail between her legs.

He did not notice the flight of his loyal hound. His mind was focused only on one thing. Survival. Screaming a battle cry, he ran at the monster with his wooden staff.

Panicked by the sudden fearlessness of our hero, and startled by the anger in his voice, the creature fled into the night. After all creatures of darkness live on the fear of others. When that is absent, it finds the same gnawing poison biting into its own hearts.

His lands safe once again. The hero had triumphed. Both over his inner fears and the beast of the night.

What REALLY happened:

I was holding a bloody broom. Walking in the darkness cause me n my bro have been too bloody lazy to change the kitchen light fuse.

My bro had been cleaning the bathroom downstairs and while he was doing it, he had seen a mouse. Freaked out, the bugger slammed the toilet door shut, and ran upstairs. Then he told me to go get rid of the damn thing.

Man... I freaking hate rats and mice. And I mean SERIOUSLY hate! They make my skin freakin crawl okay! But I had to protect my lil bro and suki.

Ok... fine. That's not the truth. My bro bribed me with free dinner, a pack of ciggies and a bottle of 100 plus! STFU! DUN JUDGE ME! (lol)

So armed with a broom and with suki at my side, we went to the kitchen. I closed off the kitchen door in case the bugger ran further into the house and shut the book room door. Then I braced myself and opened the toilet door.

The foul smell I was talking about was from the rubbish in the toilet. My bro and I always adhered to the theory, 'Out of sight... out of mind!'. Until the smell gets so bad we can't bear it. :P

Any way, there the lil bugger was! Chomping on my mom's potpourri. Suki growled a little at the mouse. Then when the mouse took a step toward her, her REAL instincts kicked in. She ran like the wind upstairs! ISH! So much for loyalty! So much for hunting dog! So much for a man's best friend!

So I took my broom, and poked the lil bugger with the end of it. And shouted like hell at it. The fella obviously didn't like being poked or shouted at, and ran outside the door I had left open.

The hero *cough* I mean... *I* had survived my encounter with the blasted vermin.

*shifty eyes*

I jus hope the bugger doesn't come back for revenge!!!

LOL

Dude is too Super Cool for his Traffic Ticket

2008-11-08T20:27:00.001-08:00

ahah... this is a super cool video! :D

of religion, love and a puppy named suki

2008-11-03T19:18:00.001-08:00

In the 28 years of my life, I have seen people touched by religions; each of them, in their own subtle and different ways.

I'm not one to complain... (oh wait... I am! :P) but I've not had an easy life. Please don't give me the whole lecture about starving and dying children in Africa. Of people who have harsher lives than I. I never claimed to have the SHITTIEST life, merely a relatively shitty life! So put it to rest already.

I have problems believing in things that I can touch and see, let alone being able to put faith in a entity you have to put blind faith into. Quite childishly, I have often questioned: 'if there is a God, then fuck him... cause he has fucked me over again and again... (and I didn't even get to cum!)

So when people talk of religion, I earnestly avoid the topic. As the saying goes, never talk politics and religion with friends; if you want to keep them friends. But I can't help but watch with a fascination when people embrace religion the way it is meant to be embraced; with faith, love and no ulterior motives.

I know this was not with the case with my mother. If I have had a shitty life, I don't quite know the adjective that would describe hers. She embraced religion alright... several of them! Don't get me wrong, I love my mother to death. And she is a STRONG woman to have survived all that has happened to her in her life. Yet I cannot help but feel a little cynical towards her sudden offerings to the temples and churches.

Religion was indeed was a crutch. Or so I believed.

I have been lucky enough to fall in love twice in my not so young life. Both the women were devout in their religions.

My first love and experience with religion came when I was but 16ish years old. A little too young to contemplate anything except for the miracles of the female body and the stupors that alcohol and drugs induced. She did not preach her religion to me. In fact we rarely spoke of it. And believe me, we spoke VERY often back then.

I can still remember the mock disgust one of our friend had at the fact my first love and I spent so much time together, be it physically together or just on the phone. 'You're like a Yin Yang pair of retarded Siamese Twins,' she had said. Even now the not so flattering comparison brings a chuckle. But that is beside the point. The times that my first love and I did speak of it has always stuck to my mind. Mostly it was about her aunt going overseas on escapes.

As we grew older, we broke up but remained friends. Reasonably close friends I'd like to think. She went through some bad times and struggled to strive ahead of them. Yet, rather than testing the limits of her beliefs, it seemed to strengthen her beliefs. I recall her saying once to me, as we talked about the not so pleasant things in life, 'no matter what happens, I have my faith and my beliefs. Nothing will change or alter that. Well, not that much any way!'

She had chuckled and smiled then, but the conviction in her eyes spoke volumes.

I had almost believed then.

The second time I fell in love was with a daughter of two pastors. Not two of the same-sexed pastors obviously! But I think that would have made an interesting twist don't you?

She was a lot younger than I was. (any snickers or paedophile comments will be thoroughly ignored!)

And unlike my first love, she preached to me incessantly. Not in a threatening or nasty sort of way like if-you-don't-believe-you-will-burn-in-hell-you-sinner kind of way. Hers was out of love, both for me and for her religious beliefs. Perhaps 'preach' is too harsh a word to use. Rather, she 'shared' with me.

We would talk of it often and her eyes would fill with wonder and overwhelming love as she spoke. She talked of forgiveness, sharing, understanding, acceptance, love and many other wonderful things that religion could bring to a person. But the one thing that really reached to me was when she told me, 慖t can bring you peace of mind, hun.?I'll admit now, it was a rather attractive thought.

I'd smile and nod, then not so subtly change the topic to something less thought provoking. Her eyes would mist over then and she say, 'I'm so sad. I wish you would come to know His love like I do.' Then she'd hug me and nestle her head against my chest, as if listening closely to my heart to find out how she could melt the ice and warm it with the love of God. Wow. I can't believe I wrote that line. Someone call the corny police please!

I wanted desperately to understand how she felt. I even went to church for the first time in 16 years. But nothing vaguely resembling enlightenment or love for God touched me. In fact, the super cheerful singing and dancing to hymn disturbed me to no end!

But I wanted to believe.

I watched a lady I've known since I was 7, dying of cancer, find faith and strength in the comfort of Christ. At first I thought her a desperate fool, grasping at straws for a miraculous cure for her ailment; or perhaps the promise of afterlife a crutch for her to make the thought of leaving the world of the flesh less frightening.

As I spoke to her, I realised there was a transformation from who she was when she first discovered the fatal illness growing within her body. She was not trying to deny her fate. She was not trying to avoid it anymore. She had accepted it whole heartedly and was making the best of the time that was left to her and her family together. The power of her belief gave her the ability to cope; no, more than cope; to accept that death was approaching. To take a step back and realise that while time was short, it was the quality of time she had left that mattered. Not the quantity.

And for a little while, I believed.

If religion and God indeed did not exist, it should. For it is a beautiful ideal and dream. It makes people, in general (please let's not talk about extremist morons), strive to be noble and better; to do good things in life. It gives you strength to take that step forward when you just want to hug your knees and cry yourself to death. It brings hope when there might be close to none. Besides, what is life without dreams?

Sadly, I'm still not a believer. But these people have made me look at religion differently and who knows?

One day that might change.

Now you've read all this crap and looked forward to the puppy?part of this rambling, haven't you? Well here is it. Suki's snoring contentedly at my feet.

And I BELIEVE it is time to join her.

Well a man's gotta believe in SOMETHING doesn't he?

Cheers.
Vince

Dylan Thomas

2008-10-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Moving on...

2008-09-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

I'm a compulsive sentimental. I keep just about everything and anything that reminds me about some one I've had feelings for. Mostly they are old emails. Pictures. Things that I made for them on adobe photoshop. Small things like that.

I've keep some emails for more than 12 years! So that gives you an idea of how attached I am to these little things. Not that I read them often. I read them once in a blue moon when I'm in a mood to take a trip to the past. Ok la! When I'm feeling emo :)

Today. I deleted them all! 300+ emails. From all my accounts. I deleted pictures and the stuff I made too. At first I was a little sad. There was a horrible feeling of emptiness looking at the empty screen and empty folders.

Then, slowly but surely, a feeling of... freedom crept in. I thought about all the relationships that I've been in. So far most of them started out like a script from a blockbuster Hollywood movie. Then ended like a B grade horror movie.

I thought about burning the items that I kept from my past relationships too. Once this was a ritual for me after each break up... I'd burn everything I owned from them, or return them. Then I thought, its not so bad keeping SOME memories... at least I when I tell my children and grand children I had my share of gf's in my youth... there would be proof :)

At the age of 28... I finally cut ties with my past relationships... and I think... I just think... the next one might... yea... might... just work out differently...

Here's to the future... and whatever it may hold. The past is dead. And most importantly... now forgotten. :)

Get well por por

2008-09-27T01:44:00.000-07:00

since the time
your ankles were all
that I could see

since the time
I had my first tooth
and tried to nibble on your finger

since the time
you patted me
till i fell asleep on your lap

since the time
you caned me
for jumping on your sofas

since the time
you dabbed dettol
on my grazed elbows

since the time
you scrubbed my knees with soap
only to watch them turn brown again when I straightened them

since the time
you stood protectively in front of me
when dad was hitting me

since the time
you complained
I was way too scrawny

since the time
you forced fed me
fish porridge you had spent hours cooking

since the time
you fell out with mom
and talked with the picture of your late husband for hours

since the time
I first saw you cry
when we went overseas for 4 years

since the time
I broke up with my first serious girlfriend
and you told me it would be alright

since the time
you told me in cantonese and english
'Girls nowadays, no money no fuck!'

Since the time
I earned my first pay cheque
and you were so proud

Since the time
I drove u around
in my first very own car

Since the time
you were so happy I put on some weight
then on closer inspection told me I was getting too fat

Since the time
you'd talk to me for hours and hours
and repeat yourself but I'd never mind

Since the time
you told me
I'm getting old... come see me more often when you have time

Since the time
you asked me to buy you
lou pak siew kai (colonel sanders : kfc) when I visit you

Since the time
we spent together
in the innocence of my infancy
to the decadence of my teens
to the troubled late twenties

Since that time
I have loved you po po
and I always will

and I realised
that I will never truely lose you

since that time
and until the end
you will be close to my heart

The fake Malaysia by Gen Wong :)

2008-09-25T02:57:00.000-07:00

Written by one of my favorite people in the world :)

Its a pretty good piece if you ask me :p

Is where I wake up in the morning and go to work and sweat it out at the gym and party and sleep at night. It’s where I can get my tall skinny hazelnut latte to go between the waking up and getting to work bits, usually after I’ve parked my Japanese-brand car under the tree in the carpark next to the ultra-plush, Skybar-housing hotel.

It’s where I hang out on the weekend, browsing the shelves of Borders for American Glamour, seeing the latest blockbuster (usually American, too) and maybe do some grocery shopping, checking off my list as I go – Waitrose Columbian ground coffee, bacon rashers, Jif peanut butter, Gardenia bread, McVities Digestives… (see the trend…?)

It’s where I have pork knuckle for dinner with a bunch of friends and we reminisce about those mad/crazy uni days in London/Nottingham/Melbourne/Boulder and all around us in the restaurant I hear funnily-accented English from people who look exactly like I do (i.e. Chinese) and I never have to use the national language.

Sometimes, it’s where I have a brush with the real Malaysia.

Like when the movie I see on the weekend is half-an-hour shorter than I swore it should be. It’s where I have to uncomfortably stammer my way through a conversation (which usually takes place over a counter) to renew my driving license, buy stamps, try to find out why my TM landline’s been suddenly cut off.

It’s where people who criticise our government are labelled ‘seditious’ and ‘a threat to national security’ and inexplicably find themselves (himself?) in Kamunting. Like, where the HELL is Kamunting??

It’s where the price of petrol yo-yos faster than we can say, ‘wonder what the government’s up to now…?’ in an OIL-PRODUCING country and cigarettes are damn cheap (I mean, what’s up with that??!!)

It’s where I don’t feel safe to walk around at night in the streets 2 minutes from my apartment complex ‘cos the police can’t be trusted to do their job. For that matter, neither can our fire department or our judges or our public school teachers or our government doctors and nurses… (I really could go on...)

It’s where I am treated as a second-class citizen, because my parents are not Malay and I don’t want any children I may have to grow up – better to grow up in a different country and be given more rights than you would have had in your OWN. Thank goodness I live in the fake one...

I xxxx'ed a girl!

2008-09-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

I was listening to RED FM today whilst on the way to get my bro some KFC. They played 'I kissed a girl'; the censored version!

It was hilarious okay!

They censored most of the word 'kissed' so it sounded like this : 'I xxxx'ed a girl.. and I liked it!'

Well who wouldn't xxxx a girl and like it la!

The stupid censorship made the song sound even more sexually provocative than it already did. Not an easy task to accomplish let me tell you that!

As l listened more on, I realised that they left the 'keh' sound uncensored.

So instead of a sexually charged song... it was a song where u could charge the singer with battery. Cause it sounded like 'I keh'ed a girl' as in 'I kicked a girl'.

So lets get this straight you censorship people! A girl kissing another girl is wrong... but physically abusing another girl with kicks is better?

Malaysia... Malaysia... *shakes head*

More words of wisdom from JH

2008-09-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - said:
siann!!

Venom says:
go perform harakiri =P

Venom says:
it will help u to burn time for a while =)

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
o__O

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
i perform on u can ah

Venom says:
cannot..can only be perform on self

Venom says:
performing harakiri on urself is call harakiri..but performing harakiri on others is call murder liao different

Venom says:
haha

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
LOL

rambling with JH ^__^

2008-09-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

Venom says:
malay way of conning people damn fail wan

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
lol

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
if they were better at it

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
the indians wud be fucked la

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
dah la kena con by chinese

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
now malays too??

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
HAI LAT WEI!

and yes! I am racist!er I mean... NO! I'm NOT RACIST!

Charlie bit my finger - again !

2008-09-16T11:42:00.001-07:00

this is soooo cuteee :D

10cc - I'm Not in Love

2008-09-05T11:20:00.001-07:00

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
I'm not in love

heh... more emo music... but this song really fits the mood I'm in right now :)

sigh

2008-08-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've been in love with you
for the longest time
speech has no meaning
nor word and rhyme

but I will still stand away
far away from you
because I know
I cannot be true

You know me
like no other has
Fromy my broke present
to my sad sad past

No matter what I'd like
no matter how I feel
This feelings
just can't be real

I can't make you happy
and that is the reality
So I'll live my life
in promsicuity

No one happiness
No children for me
The fates just
don't allow that to be

If l love you more
and hated myself less
I'd be less scared
to give you my best

So you'll remain
My smile
My moment
My happiness for a while

But I'll never
hurt you
by telling you
I love you

Fingering 101

2008-08-08T13:49:00.001-07:00

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it Is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

Daddy

2008-08-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

He sat down on the bench sipping a cola. He smiled as he watched his dog run zig zags around the open park chasing sparrows.

'She's having fun,' allowing himself a rare smile.

The sun blazed down on his skin, warming away the numbness he always felt. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. The long sleeve sweater he was wearing made him, well, sweat. His brown hair glistened in the sunlight.

Suki ran towards him and put her forelegs on his lap, barking enthusiasthicly.

'Oh, so you DO remember me! I thought you were having so much fun you'd forgotten,' he chided Suki.

She jumped onto his lap and licked his face very seriously. Well as seriously as a dog could.

'Oh, feeling guilty now are we! It's fine sweetie. Go run. I know you like it,' he hugged her close then let put her on the floor. She took a last glance at him, barked, and ran to continue her game of catch with the sparrows.

Suddenly heard Suki barking excitedly.

'She must have seen someone with ice cream,' he turned to look. Then, he forgot to breathe.

Her hair was longer now. It fell all the way down to her waist. Her smile, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time, made him choke.

'Suki! Suki! How are you girl? Where's your daddy?' she laughed.

He felt like running away.

'What will I do about Suki? Maybe if I hide, she'll leave after awhile.'

He sighed and walked towards her.

'Hey Mel. Been a while.'

'Hey! Suki's grown so much! And she still recognises me!' she said between barks from a very happy Suki.

'Of course she recognises you. We bought her together after all. She remember when you used to play with her as a puppy four years ago.She remembers the people she loves.'

'You've lost weight. And you've not been sleeping. Look at your eyebags!' she said eyeing him critically while she walked towards him.

'It's just your imagination,' he tried to smile.

She wrapped her arms around him suddenly.

'H..heyyy... what you doing?' he stammered.

'I've missed you. Its so good to see you again. You never called'

He felt every muscle of his body tense and relax all at the same time. The scent of her hair filled his mind, taking him back years ago. He didn't realise it but he was holding her tightly, as if he was afraid she'd disappear.

They stood like that for a while. Suki sensed something very intimate and sat down quietly, watching them. For the whole of two minutes. A life time for an enthusiastic dog. Then, she jumped excitedly on both of them, knocking them to the floor. Right where their faces were accessible for the love she wanted to show them. Love had never been so.... wet; doggy drool wet.

Mel laughed and tried to fend off a very happy Suki.

Lying on the floor he grumbled, 'This was my best sweater. Now I've got dog drool and sand all over it. NO DINNER FOR YOU SUKI!'

'Hey! She's a pu..'

'...ppy. She's 4 years old now. She's HARDLY a puppy.'

'So what? She's young at heart!'

'Good that you mentioned the heart. She's gotten so fat I'd better put her on a diet in case she gets heart problems. Cholesterol you know.'

'Hey! No! She's not fat... she's just... bi...'

'...big boned. Rosie O Donnell is big boned. Suki's fat.'

'Thats mean! She's just nice to hug,' she pouted and hugged Suki who was blissfully unaware that her meal rationing was being debated.

'People are staring at us. Lets get up,' he whispered to her.

'Since when did you care what people thought of you?' she countered.

'True. The sky's really blue today.'

'Yea.'

'Have you moved on yet?' she asked, turning to look at him seriously.

He stared into her eyes. He could never lie to her when she looked at him like that.

'In my own way, I have.'

'You're not answering the question.'

'You're thinking too much into it.'

'I still love you,' she whispered.

He turned to look at her. For a second she could see all the pain and hurt in his grey eyes. He looked haunted.

'I'm sorry. I'm married now.'

'You will always be my first love. Nothing that happened will change that.'

'But it did happen. And that changes everything,' he whispered sadly.

She pulled his arm towards him, lifting the sleeve. He winced at the pain. His arm was covered with cuts and cigarrette burns.

'Punishing yourself won't change what happened that night.'

'It's the least I can do.'

He was about to answer her, when a small voice rang, 'Mummy why are you on the floor? Are you sick?'

'Hi there sweetie. Whatcha doing here?' Mel asked but her son's attention was focused else where.

'Mummy? Can I take her home with us? She likes me.' he giggled as Suki licked his face.

'No honey. We can't do that. The poor man here will be lonely without her.'

The boy stopped and looked at the man. His grey eyes serious for a second.

'Then let's take him home with us too,' he said brightly.

He laughed when the child said that.

'He's a smart kid, Mel.'

'He takes after his father,' she smiled.

The words stung when she said that but he smiled anyway.

'Mommy pleaseeee? Can we take the nice man and the doggie home with us?' he pleaded.

'No honey, his mummy would be sad if we did that. She loves this man and the doggie very much.'

'Oh.' he said disappointedly. Then with the brilliance of a three year old, he asked, 'Then can I have some ice cream instead?'

She laughed and ruffled his brown hair. 'Well, I've got to go. Almost time for dinner. His daddy's waiting for us.'

The boy looked up quizzically. 'Daddy?'

Mel lifted the boy up and kissed his cheek. 'Call me some time. I'll be waiting.'

'Mel...' His tongue went numb. The words he wanted to say died in his throat.'Be safe.' he whispered.

'I love you too. And you too Suki darling!' She smiled at him one last time. 'You can't change the past no matter how much you want to.'

'Yes, but I can atone for it.'

Her eyes soften and misted over. 'Its not just you that's hurting for this atonement. You haven't the faintest idea what you're missing.'

Then she walked away.

He closed his eyes. And he saw it all.

He could see Mel laughing next to him in the car. It was raining.

'Honey, don't drive so fast. It's raining. It's dangerous,' she had said.

'We're late for the tailor appointment. You do want your handsome fiancee to look even more dashing than he already does in his suit, don't you?'

'No I don't. All the ladies will be waiting to snatch you the minute I turn my back.'

'I wouldn't leave you for the second hottest woman in the world,' he smiled.

'The second? What about the first?' she asked sternly.

'Well, I'd have to seriously think about that. I mean she is THE hottest woman in the world. A man could get tempted you know.'

'Then I'll give you reason not to...' she said, leaning in to kiss him deeply in the lips.

He kissed her back. Then turned back to look at the road in front of him. Too late.

He jammed his brakes, but the floor was too wet. The car hit the child crossing the road with a sickening crunch sending the child flying. The child was dead before landing.

Tears came to his eyes. 'I don't deserve to be happy.'

He had left Mel that day. Never wanting to be happy again. He canceled the wedding. He gave up on his life.

Elsewhere, a child's curiosity was piqued.

'Mommy. I don't have a daddy. Did you get me one?'

'Sure you have a daddy, honey,' she said kissing his cheek.

'I've never seen him. Doesn't he love me?' the little boy asked; feeling hurt. Tears welled up in his eyes and he began to cry.

'He would love you. He will love you. You have his eyes and his hair. You look just like him,' she said, soothing him.

'Mommy. Was that man my daddy?' he voiced his realisation.

She was quiet for a while.

'Yes.'

cold feet 2

2008-08-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

‘What’s the answer to the question?’ the teacher asked.

‘I don’t know,’ he replied.

‘Now, now, you got the top score for the Sciences in the Midlands in that last module. How can you not know?’ she chided mildly.

‘Someone mixed the scores up.’

‘Give it a try; for the rest of the classes’ benefit.’

He got up and walked towards the teacher.

‘Ask someone else to do it. I’m leaving.’

‘Class just started! Where are you going?’ she exclaimed.

‘Out,’ he said shortly and closed the door behind himself.

‘There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!’ Anne exclaimed.

‘What’s up? I was just about to leave.’

‘It’s your kid brother. He got into a fight!’ she blurted out.

‘What? Where is he now?’

Anne shuddered looking at him. His handsome face was a mask of fury waiting to explode.

‘He’s in the principal’s office.’

‘Who did he fight with?’

‘That 3rd year. Laurence. Black kid,’ she replied quickly.

‘Where is he now?’ he whispered.

‘In the nurse’s office… but its not what you think…’

‘Thank you.’

‘Wait! You haven’t heard the full story!’ She sighed as she watched him walk briskly towards the nurse’s office. ‘He never changes.’

He slammed the door open. He was about to shout the 3rd year students name; then he saw his face. He took a step back in surprise. The kid’s face was pretty messed up. His nose was bleeding and his right eye was swollen shut.

He grabbed the kid by his collar and dragged him out of the room.

‘Where are you taking him? I’m not done treating him yet,’ the nurse said.

‘For a chat. It won’t take long.’

‘Fuck you. Let me go you fucking wanker.’ Laurence squealed. His voice breaking with panic.

He pushed Laurence against the wall and lifted him to his eye level.

‘If you or your friends come near my kid brother again, I will kill you. Repeat what I just said.’

His right hand flicked the butter fly knife open and rested it squarely at Laurence’s throat.

‘If… if… I go near your kid brother again… you’ll… you’ll… kil… kill me,’ he stammered.

‘Do you think I’m bluffing?’

‘No sir. But you’ve got the wrong idea. It was him that…’ he started.

‘I don’t need to listen to your crap. Remember what I said,’ he said coldly. Then he casually backhanded Laurence and sent him flying into a chair.

He walked towards the office to look for his brother.

‘So, Jules. I saw the pretty face you left behind for me. Wanna tell me what it was about, lad?’ he asked his brother.

‘He tried to take my lunch money from me…’ he started.

‘So you beat the crap out of him?’

‘More or less. He wasn’t so smug when I clocked him one in nose.’

‘Do you feel better beating up someone weaker than you, lad?

‘He’s bigger than me, koh.’

‘He’s got a big brother too you know. I’ll have to talk to him later.’
‘Just talk?’

‘Yes. Just talk. Violence begets violence, lad. Look at your old man. Do you really want to turn out like him?’

‘I want to be like you, koh,’ he smiled.

‘You don’t want to be me. Be yourself. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you. I don’t want to ever hear you say that again.’

‘But…’

‘No buts… no ifs… this is the way it will be. And that’s the way it is. Understand, lad?’ he smiled as he said it, easing the brunt of the force he spoke the words with.

‘Okay, koh.’

‘There’s a good lad,’ he smiled broader and kiss his brother on the cheek.

‘Oh… by the way…’

‘Yea, koh?’

‘Nice right hook. I think you broke his nose,’ he smiled again.

‘It was a left hook. I’m left handed remember?’

‘Right. All the geniuses are eh lad? Study hard. It’s your ticket out of here. Don’t forget that.’

‘What about you, koh?’ Jules asked.

‘I belong here. You deserve to be somewhere better,’ he turned around and started walking away.

‘Koh!’

‘Yes, lad?’

‘I’ll take you with me. I won’t leave you. You’ve always taken care of me. I owe you that much!’ he gushed.

‘Silly lad. I didn’t do it for that.’ His smile widened. Then, there was a twinkle in his eye. ‘Besides, I can’t let anyone else but me, pick on my favourite roly poly.’

‘I won’t leave you, koh.’

‘I hope you’re wrong, lad. I hope you’re wrong…’ he patted his brother on the shoulder and walked away.

‘I was looking for you. But it looks like someone else found you before I did. Someone bigger and stronger by the looks of it,’ Ryan chuckled.

‘Yea. With a wrench. You think I look bad? You should see him,’ he replied with a smile.

‘Your kid brother beat the crap out of mine. How are we gonna even up on that score?’ Ryan asked.

‘I’ll leave him be. And you’ll leave my brother and me alone.’

‘That easy?’

‘We can fight if you really feel its necessary,’ he said blandly and waved his hand.

Six Asians came into view from a distance. They were all wearing the Nottingham University jersey.

‘Oh you brought friends too!’ Ryan laughed and gave a sharp whistle.

A dozen well muscled black kids walked up beside Ryan.

‘I see I’m not as popular as you are. But it’s who knows you not who you know that matters.’

‘Are you casting doubt on the quality of my entourage? Your skinny yellow kids aren’t going to do you much help. Don’t matter how old they are,’ Ryan hissed.

‘So you beat me up today. Put me in hospital. I’ll recover and find you the next day. The difference is: I won’t put you in hospital. I’ll kill you.’ He reached into his pocket and flicked the butterfly knife between his fingers.

‘That’s a nice butterfly you have there. Can I have a look at it?’

He threw the butterfly knife at Ryan who caught it deftly.

‘Whoah! Easy there! I could have gotten cut! This thing’s bloody sharp,’ Ryan complained.

‘You’ll need it.’ As he spoke a large group of white kids with baseball bats came into view from behind the trees.

‘I’m more popular than I think.’

POSSE :D

2008-08-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

One day the Lone ranger is out riding the rage on his horse, Silver. Silver was an incredibly smart horse. However later that day they were ambushed by Indians.

Bound and helpless the Indian Chief walked up and spoke to the Lone ranger:-You very brave, so before we kill you,we give you 3 wishes, one a day for 3 days, when done, you die. You make first wish.

The Lone ranger considers and says-For my first wish, I want to speak with my horse.A bit offended that their gift was taken so frivolously they reluctantly agree and the Lone ranger moves next to Silver strokes his noes and whispers into the horses ear.When finished Silver tosses up his head and gallops off. This confuses the Indians until Silver returned with a very long haired red headed beautiful woman stark naked in his saddle.

At this the Indian's chuckle -White man want last night with woman.

The next morning the Chief appears in front of the Lone Ranger:-What Wish number 2?

Again the Lone ranger says-I wish to speak to my Horse.

Now curious the Indian's grant this, and again the Lone ranger gently strokes Silver's nose and whispers into the horse's ear. As soon as he finishes Silver again gallops off.Now the Indians wait to see what the horse will return with. Sure enough near sunset, Silver returns with a gorgeous naked black haired woman in his saddle.The Indians are a bit insulted that this brave man seems to have only one thought on his mind.

The final morning the chief again approaches the Lone ranger-What want for 3rd wish?

Again the Lone ranger says-I wish to speak with my horse.

Having been thru this twice before the Indians bring Silver over, only this time the Lone Ranger grabs the horses bridle, looks the fore RIGHT in the eye and says-For the last time POSSE! P*O*S*S*E! POSSE!

Suki

2008-07-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

All too often, we get caught up with the gloom of daily life and we forget about the little things that make us happy. That make us smile. Well, mine's not exactly little. She's quite big boned. And obviously she's female from the fact I'm calling her 'she'. She's got soft fur. Yes. Fur. Not hair? Do I look like I'm getting any damn you? :)

Suki
Suki pao
Fei Por
Pup-pup-puppehhh
Suki Darling
Sweetie

She has more pet names than me in our family. In fact the only pet name I have is... never mind that. :p

So heres a few times my little sweetie's made me smile.

My chest is heavy

I was sleeping on night (wait or was it morning? I'm a vampire after all) and it felt really hard to breathe. My chest felt really heavy. So I woke up, dreading that I had smoked to much and came down with some kind of stupid lung infection. Then I saw her.

30 pounds of sleeping puppy on my chest. Snoring.

I scold her: 'Suki! Bad girl!'

She wakes up. Looks at me. Wags her tail. And goes back to sleep promptly.

Since when did 'Bad girl' equate to wagging the tail!

High class puppy
I was having insomania (yes as usual) and on the computer. Normally she sleeps at my feet if my brother is not around or on my brothers bed when he's sleeping. I look at my feet. She's not there. So I go to my brother's room. She's not there!

So I go into my mom's room. I had switched the air conditioning on early so that when I finally did sleep I'd have a nice cool room. Guess what. There she was. Right in the middle of my mom's bed. Snoring. With all four paws in the air. Sleeping like a human.

Shelf climber
I was on the computer (when am I not on the computer?) and suddenly I hear whining. I can hear the whining but can't seem to find where Suki is. So I look around the room. Under my table. Under my bed. In my cupboard? No way!

I open my cupboard to see a very fat puppy squashed into a very small cabinet. She had knocked out all my clothes and made herself comfy in the top shelf. Only problem was: She didn't know how to get down.

So I carry her down and put her on the floor. She is eternally grateful and licks me as a reward. Five minutes later she is on the top shelf again! This goes on for about 40 minutes until it finally struck me to close the cupboard. (yea I'm slow... bite me!) I figured she was just bored and wanted me to pay her some attention.

I told my brother that she'd climbed to the top shelf by herself. He didn't believe me. HELL I DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. So I opened the cupboard and wait patiently. True enough she falls for the bait. I holler for my brother and he comes to see that she's stuck on the top shelf! HAH! Drugs didn't make me delusional.

Later on we figured out why she was climbing the shelf. Her favorite toy teddy was on top of the shelf. So she was trying to get to it. But I still think it was her way of attention whoring with me. *shrug*

Racist puppy

Yea you heard me. My puppy is racist. I brought her to the burger stall to buy some burgers ( why else would you go to a burger stall? *rolls eyes). There was a Chinese girl, a indian uncle and the two malay chaps cooking the burgers.

Indian uncle: Wow... pretty dog... *pets Suki*

*Suki wags her tail at the praise and licks his hand*

Chinese girl: Wah! So cute leh! *pets Suki*

*Suki wags her tail at the praise and licks her hand*

Malay dude: Comel ya anjing engkau *shakes Suki's head*

*Suki bites the crap out of his hand*

I was lucky Suki doesn't really bite that hard. It was more of a warning bite I guess. But the dude was asking for it la. Treating her so roughly.

Now when I told my brother about the puppy not liking Malays, he did exactly what I had planned to do. He gave Suki two treats.

I wonder where she gets her racism from ;)

Fat Dog run... Fat man run too

Ok. Heres a story about how I got some exercise for the first time in months (years?). My brother came home and I just got out of the shower. So I wrap my towel around my self and bring Suki downstairs to greet him.

Only thing is. When I go downstairs I don't see my brother. So I open the door and go out to check if he's outside. Normally Suki comes outside with me and goes all barmy when she see's my brother. Herein lies the problem.

My brother had ran upstairs to the loo as he had the runs... thus the running? Nvm that. Anyway, he was in such a rush that he left the gate open. I notice it ONLY after I let Suki walk out with me.

I look at the open gate.

Suki looks at the open gate.

I say: 'Don't even think about it Suki'.

Suki thinks about it.

Suki does a brave heart run : 'FOR FREEDOM!!!!'

I do a Spongebob meets Speedy Gonzales and run after her.

I did catch her... after streaking half my street with my flabby brown ass and my little... er... forget that.

Suki of course thinks its all a game and wags her tail excitedly when I catch her and licks the living daylights out of my face.

Two hands on dog.

What was holding the towel?

*shudder*

ok... so that last story wasn't true ;)

but hey... spongebob meets speedy gonzales was such an amazing concept I just HAD to make it up.

later peoples :)

Numb

2008-07-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

Its 4am and I still can't sleep. So I thought I'd share something with all two of the readers of this blog. :)

What is the worst feeling in this world? I don't mean just bad feelings. I mean the absolute worst feeling that you can ever feel.

Some people will say getting your heart broken. Other people will say losing. To me the worst feeling in the world is feeling numb.

Broken hearts can be healed. You're not always a loser (unless your name starts with a Q and ends with a h... shush Eunice... dont give away the secret)

These things are in passing and you will get over them sooner or later.

But what is it like to feel absolutely numb. No happiness. No sadness. You're just a blank page with nothing written on it.

You stay awake, trying to figure out what is wrong. Your friends try to comfort you. Your family stands a firm pillar of support. And yet, you feel nothing. No motivation. No goals. Nothing.

You can't cry because you can't feel anything. You can't laugh because you don't enjoy anything. Smiling is a facade you put on so people don't worry about you.

You sit down in the mirror and look at yourself. You're indifferent to how you look.

Then you feel the sweet bite of the razor on your soft skin and you shiver. There is something that you still feel. Pain. It is bliss compared to the emptiness that is your life.

You live life to breathe and find some reason to be alive. You don't actually live. You just exist.

Is it really worth living like this?

I don't know. But I haven't a choice. I have more friends than I deserve. And a family that loves me more than I am worth.

So I'll pick up the pieces of my life. And I will live.

Maybe one day. I will feel alive.

Dance on my skin;
silver blades of emotion.
Slither slowly,
and do not pause.
Let the crimson tears
weep for the eyes
that do not know how to.
Graft the meaning
of life.
A reason to live.
Cut away the emptiness
and send shivers of emotion
into my spineless spine.
Rip into my mind
and make me feel
anything
something

but

numb.

the ward

2008-07-16T12:43:00.000-07:00

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how doyou determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. 'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

''Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

''No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

Bad news for Fabulously Rich (or richer) People!

2008-07-14T09:55:00.000-07:00

So you’re fabulously rich. Or is fabulous an understatement? Well, here at r2r we’ve been doing a little research about people like you. Guess what? We’ve found your Achilles heel! Here are the top 5 things you don’t want to hear when you’re swimming in the big bucks!

I want a divorce!
When you’re rolling in the moolah, the last thing you want is a gold digging little twit to marry you, only to divorce you in a few months for a fat divorce settlement. Look at poor Mr Rupert Murdoch. He lost 1.7 billion USD to his wife in June 1999. That enough to feed several starving African nations! (Well not really… but you get the idea!)

It’s YOUR baby!
Nothing says bye bye to money quite like someone claiming to have your baby! You’re now officially in charge of the well being of a child due to one night of hide the salami with a random stranger. Way to go!

Daddy, I’m in rehab!
This is like a trend amongst the brats *cough* children of rich people. Daddy (or mommy) I’m in rehab. I have so much money I just had to do drugs and alcohol cause nothing else is fun! If alcohol and drugs aren’t expensive enough for you, the repeated bills for rehab will put a small dent in your over sized wallet.

The stock market just crashed!
The stock market crashing often leads to other types of crashing for rich people. Rich people crashing their cars into very unmovable walls. People crashing out of windows from very very tall buildings. People crashing some money of other people to pay debts? Ok, the last one was pushing it but I have a word limit to meet!

We found your sex tape in the motel!
Paris Hilton anyone? Ashanti? Chua Soi Lek? Okay, so you guys don’t know the last one. Rich people don’t care about the welfare of the country. But my point is, the last thing you want splashed all over the papers is your little bondage session with your pet bunny (not the animal, the costume). This stuff can ruin lives… and cost you a bunch of money buying all the pirated DVD’s of it being distributed!

So there you have it! The top 5 things you don’t want to hear when you’re swimming in the moolah! Now keep your nose clean and stay away from these big no no’s! Don’t say we didn’t warn you first here at r2r!

play poem

2008-07-13T11:57:00.000-07:00

You're more than just food to me
a hamburger? A french fry
When you're not around
I get so hungry, I cry and cry

I love you so much because
you taste so good and smell nice
but it would be even better
if I could put the blood in some cold ice

Its not just the food
I say again
When I'm sad,
you take away the pain

When I'm happy
you make me smile
just by being there
all the while

I'm in love with you
you're my Happy Meal
Sizzling steak, nasi lemak
you're my lover, the whole deal

and I love you

Bad day

2008-07-09T11:57:00.001-07:00

Today was a bad day.

1) I overslept for class
2) I lost my wallet
3) I can't sleep
4) I'm thinking about deferring a semester

I just have one more month to go. Then I am free. Yet the month seems like a giant leap of faith that I cannot handle.

I have to get back into a working frame of mind.... falling apart at the end of a race just won't do.

Won't you come back
and say its all a lie
Won't you hold me close
And kiss me while I cry

I tried running
through the dark empty
I tried crawling
as far as I could see

I tried to be normal
and not just myself
I tried to write a book
A put my name on the shelf

I'm stuck
Won't you help me?
I'm lost
Won't you save me?

I tried to live with
with out you
I tried to forget
the world without you

I lived to see you
I lived to love you
Now you're gone
I just don't know what to do

I tried to move on
from where I had been
But the world means nothing
With out you Low Sher Lynn

Eunice Koe

2008-07-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

I love thee
eunice koe
although your a
bitchy little hoe

you call me fat
and say I can't touch my toes
you bitch and complain
about what god only knows

you say I look
just like my stuff monkey
and my sense of humor
wouldn't please a stuff donkey

you complain and complain
that I'm so damn emo
some times you even ask
if I'm a homo...

but you make me smile
like no one has
you cheer me up
from the start to the last

you touch my heart
in your special way
when you're kind
in your own simple way

you make me feel whole
when everythings broken down
just by being there
by being around

if I could choose who
I could fall in love with
I'd choose you
and not regret a single bit

I heart you very much
Eunice Koe
I'm writing this
just so you'll know :)

I know I'm supposed to have quit writing and all... but I wrote this... which is nothing spectucular... for Eunice Koe... who has kept me sane through this maddening times... who has kept me in one piece... when I was about to fall apart into a million pieces...

I love you Eunice Koe...

BFF

*hugs*

last script

2008-07-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

There was a loud smashing sound as the vase shattered to pieces after being hit by a baseball. The two children huddled together in fear. Then he staggered into the room. 'Who did this?' he thundered.

The younger brother began to cry.

'It was me', the elder boy said, staring straight into his eyes.

'Don't you dare glare at me like that. I beat the insolence out of you.' he said. 'Kneel there and don't move,' he said, walking to get his weapons.

The younger brother began to cry even harder now.

The elder boy moved towards his brother. 'There's nothing to worry about. He doesn't know it was you. Go to your room. There's nothing for you to see here.'

'He... he...he's going to hurt you.'

'He'll try to. But I'm tough right! I won't utter a squeak. Cause it doesn't hurt. Just watch and see. Now go to your room.'

The man came back. He smelt of cheap liqour. 'Choose,' he nodded at his hands. They were carrying a wrench, a cane and a belt.'

'Give me the wrench.' he said coldly.

'Why the wrench?'

'Because fuck you. Thats why the wrench.'

The alcohol rushed to the man's head. And he lifted the wrench, and smashed it viciously into the boy's face. He built up a frenzy of hits on the boy's body. Striking what ever was closest with all his might. Then he watched the boy go limp. Unconscious.

The younger boy had not left, he was peekin from between the curtains. Too afraid to move. Too afraid to help his older brother. He wept silently. His brother had kept his word. He hadn't made a single cry of pain through the brutal beating he received.

Then the man turned to look at him. His shadow overpowering him. 'Don't grow up to be a loser like your older brother. Look what he made me do? I've got blood on my best shirt. It was you he was trying to protect was it?'

'No... No...It wasn't me! I didn't mean it!' cried the younger boy.

Then chose. Wrench. Belt. Cane. Choose one.

No.. No.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo... I DON'T WANT TO!

'Nooo... nooo... please... not that...'

'Wake up Jules. Wake up. Its just a bad dream. You're okay now. I'm with you.'

'Koh! I had that dream again. He was beating you. And beating you. I thought you were dead.'

'I'm still alive. Sore here and there. But alive.'

The elder brothers face was bruised badly. His left eye swollen shut. His nose had been broken and still dripped blood.

'Koh... we should run away... leave that man... he's evil...'

'We can't Jules. He's our father. And we can't leave mom with him.'

'Get dressed. We have to go to school. We'll miss the bus if we are late.'

Julian quickly packed up his school books and got dressed.

'I'm ready Koh.'

'Silly boy, you tied the knot for your tie to fat!'

'I'm just using the one you tied for me yesterday! Its not MY fault you don't know how to tie a tie!'

'You little roly poly, how dare you talk back to your big brother!' he lifted his younger brother into a hug and kissed his cheeks. 'You're gonna grow up to be a little heart breaker you know. That is if you ever lose that baby fat!'

'I'm not the one with the fucked up face. Baby fat or not everyone things I'm cute! I might even get laid before you do koh!'

'Little cats and dogs don't count when you get laid Ju,' he patted his brothers head affectionately.
'What ever Koh... Lets go.'

'Ok. You wait for the bus. I'll start walking.'

'Walking? Why are you walking?'

'Dad didn't give us enough money for two fares. I'll just use the money for food instead of the bus. Don't worry its not that far.'

'I'll walk with you.'

'No you WON'T. These streets aren't safe. I can't protect both myself and worry about you.' saying that he walked past his younger brother towards the dimly lit streets ahead.

'Well... well... Look what the cat dragged in. Nasty cat by looks of it. Did your face in good mate.' a tall white kid said.

He had noticed them following him 15 minutes ago. Maybe he jus didn't care. Maybe he wanted to fight them. Whatever his reasons were, he was surrounded by 6 white teenagers.

'What do you want Steven? I've got no time to play with you and your little pets.' he said.

'Uncourteous. Most Uncourteous. We're here to help you. Fix that guy who fixed your face so pretty.'

'Very unlikely. Hilarious in fact. Enough of the stand up comedy. What do you want?

'To pay you back. I know you boned Louisa. She was my girl. You had no right to.'

'You've got it all wrong. I didn't bone her. She boned me,' he chuckled.

'You bastard... get hi...'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you. Baseball bats are nice and all. But they lack a certain class.' He reached into his pocket and drew out a butterfly knife.

'How do you fancy it? Getting gutted is a slow but painful way to die. So you break a few bones of mine. I'll make sure you never see another morning sunrise. I'll make sure your faces are even uglier than they already are. Or maybe you'll scar well. Claim to be some war veteran. I hear the chicks really dig that.

'There's six of us and one of you.'

'So which of the six want me to paint them a new face?'

'Fuck you... this isn't over yet. Watch you back. I'm coming for you.'

'Don't fall over yourselves running away from little old me maties. Would hate to see any of you get hurt!' he smirked.

'Man... you..' he choked on his words as the butterfly knife whistled inches away from his jugular and stopped.

'Mate are you CRAZY? You could have KILLED me!

'I know. I'm regretting it already.'

'Thats not funny! Anyway you never change. Scaring off 6 white boys with one tiny shiny knife.'

'The very same knife that had you pissing your pant a few seconds ago.'

'Why did you try to stab me with that damn thing any way... we're cool aren't we?'

'Because you're an idiot. You snuck up behind me. I was just trying to protect myself'.

I think its time to call it a day :)

2008-07-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering on this for the longest time now. Talked to eunice about it for quite a while. I also had a long talk with my long time bestie Az about this. They made me realise alot of things. One of them is that I no longer want to write. Yes. I'm quiting writing. No more scripts. No more short stories. No more poetry. Why you ask?

You have to understand that writing has been my crutch for the past decade or so. When I was unable to voice or tell people how I felt. I turned to writing for release. Effectively it made me forget how to communicate my hurt... my happiness... my feelings... making me effectively a social vegetable...

I need to learn how to communicate with people aside from writing. I need to talk to people who are real. Not just internet friends. Most of all I need space to redefine myself as an individual. Reset my priorities now that writings no longer in my life.

Of course I'm not quiting writing for good. Maybe a year... or more... I don't know yet. Depends how fast I become a normal person again. Who can lean on friend the normal way for help. Who can talk about things openly.

Unless you guys have a better suggestion :)

then I'm all ears

Blowing your own trumpet : Prematurely... but who cares :p

2008-06-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

Its quite rare that I have good news in my blog/life... but yet again I have some good news to share :D

Like my msn nick says... God's stopped pissing on me, *Stares at golden rainbow*...

Anyway... enough with the pessimism. This is something to be optimistic about :D... Lets start with a little story...

In early May, I was still struggling through my internship and feeling quite miserable for myself. Okay, okay. Feeling miserable for myself isn't a new thing. Its like my favorite past time. Bite me :p

Anyway the 'Emo Song Queen' messaged me about this open submission contest for short plays. She said I should try it out. So I checked it out and thought about it.

At first I didn't want to submit anything.

Read: Don't think my work is good enough.

After all it was an international event. Chances are every wannabe script writer would be submitting their work. Rejection I can handle... but what if they sent me a email laughing at my work.

So I was talking about it in a multi chat with Liann, Adrian and Mel. And told them about the submission thing. They kinda bullied me into submitting a piece for it. Mel is the major culprit. She gave me a long lecture about being confident about other people doing well but having no confidence in my own work.

So I thought about it some more. And on 22nd May, the night before submissions were closed, I submitted two of my best pieces. Imagine and Split.

There was no news for quite a while. And frankly I had forgotten about it. Then I received this email on the 16th of June:

Ok. So the dude got my name wrong. I'll forgive him. Haha. But seriously, when I got the email I was in class. At first I thought it was some random dude from my blog. Then, I realised that jerry1516@yahoo.com is not my blog email address. Then I thought it must be some gay dude trying to hit on me. In short, I didn't believe it cause I totally forgot about the submission.

Then I read the title of the email : Short and Sweet. Something clicked in my head and next thing I knew I was jumping with joy. My play's gonna be performed in KLPAC. I still can't believe it. Hehe.

I just wanna say thanks to Mel and Yelena. Cause I doubt I would have known about it if Yelena didn't tell me. Mel cause she gave me the courage to submit my work.

Oh... and sorry to Marcus for thinking he was a gay dude trying to pick me up!

If you want more details about the event click here.

Its running from the 6th of August to the 17 of August so be sure to come watch and give me some moral support!

Tickets aren't available yet but I'll update you when they are.

Cheers!

Poor People

2008-06-15T11:43:00.001-07:00

Poor people: A definition (or in this case definitionS!)

Like all people, there are different types of poor people. Define poor people? Poor people are those that are economically challenged. Meaning that they can’t afford what they want to get. Or can’t afford to keep what they have. Don’t like the definition? Read some one else’s article!

Okay fine! Here’s a definition for you from dictionary.com:

Poor people

Noun
People without possessions or wealth.

Anyway, there are 6 types of poor people. Let’s take a look at them!

Poorus Saintus
These are poor people who can’t afford to get themselves anything at all but spend their entire lack of wealth, energy and time towards helping other people. Can you say Mother Theresa? These people are the epitome of sainthood and have one way tickets to heaven booked for them. If everyone was like these people, we’d have a terribly boringly perfect world. Heaven would be overpopulated and we’d have to expand it into hell, leaving some of these do-gooders with very Malaysian weather (panas la!)

Poorus Evilus
These people are the opposite of Poorus Saintus. They do whatever they like because they feel they are poor and have nothing to lose. Mostly these people do bad bad stuff. Hence the name: Poorus Evilus. Need a new watch? Rob the old man hobbling down the street with a cane who has a bright shiny new Rolex! Never mind if you beat him to death while robbing him! All poor people go to hell anyway; can’t afford the air conditioning in heaven.

Poorus Maximus
These guys are so poor that they make being poor a job. They beg or picket with signs saying ‘I’m poor. Gimmeh money!’. They’re too poor to print out a resume. Therefore they’re too poor to get a job. It’s not their fault! Honestly! With the price of petrol nowadays, everything is expensive; even 20 cents for printing a page of A4 paper.

Poorus Workusassoffinoffice
Poorus Workusassoffinoffice are the motivated and driven type of poor people. They work their butts off for that promotion. They camp and live in their offices, hoping to get that big break to move into big bucks and their dreams. Unfortunately, most of them never do realise their dreams. They’re not the son-in-law of the PM. They can’t afford to bribe for a position in the senior judiciary. All they have is their bodies. Assuming they have nice bodies that is! Even those have a sell before date. After 30, everything is saggy and nobody wants it any more!

Poorus Lazyuss
These guys are the opposite of Poorus Workusassoffinoffice. They’re poor and don’t care. They’re happy being poor and accept it. Well not that they accept it, they’re just too damn lazy to do anything about it except save up to buy the occasional lottery ticket and cross their fingers and toes that they win.

Poorus Chameleonsnus
Derived from the word chameleon, these guys are exactly that! Chameleons. They’re broke as hell but put the image that they’re rich out to the world. They own BMW’s and bungalows but eat a diet of salt and rice to even out things. To them, looking rich is good enough if they can’t actually be rich. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t really rich, as long as people THINK they are rich!

So what kind of poor person are you? How do I know you’re poor? Well, you’re reading a free magazine instead of making money. Definitely a poor person!

Stay tuned for next issue’s counterpart: ‘Rich buggers we all wish we were’. Over and out.

Why you should change your socks often

2008-06-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

unless you REALLY don't like your pets :p

She left me

2008-06-02T08:27:00.000-07:00

A young man is seen sitting at a bar drinking alone. Every now and then, he lets out a sob and begins weeping. He takes deep breaths and tries to control his unchecked emotions. He downs his drink, and signals the bartender for another one.

From a distance, two young men are watching him and whispering about his behaviour. They decide to approach him and cheer him up.

Mark: Hey buddy. Down on your luck?

Daniel: You might say that. I just had the worst day of my life.

Sam: What seems to be the problem? Oh wait! Before that! I’m Sam.

Mark: And I’m Mark.

Daniel: My name’s Daniel.

Mark: So what seems to be the problem bud? We noticed you were looking pretty down and thought we’d share a pint and some cheer with you.

Daniel: Mywife left me today. She..

Sam: Oh my God! The bitch!

Mark: She’s the one losing out. Don’t worry buddy! We have some great ideas for you to get back at her!

Daniel: Huh? Get back at her? But…

Sam: You still love her?

Daniel: Of course I do! I …

Mark: That’s no good.

Sam: No good at all!

Daniel: But she’s my wi…

Mark: Wife? Was she thinking about you while she was boning that other guy she left you for mate? I think not!

Sam: You gotta teach the woman a lesson mate. Show her who’s boss. You get what I mean?

Daniel: I think there’s a big misunderstanding here. My wife…

Sam: She left you didn’t she?

Daniel: Yes. But…

Mark: There’s no but’s and if’s about it buddy. Point is she left you. You should move on.

Sam: Yea. But have a little fun before you move on.

Daniel sighs.

Mark: First things first! You gotta pay her back. Sleep with her sister!

Sam: Yes! Bed her sister! That will really teach her!

Daniel: She doesn’t have a sister.

Sam: Her best friend? She’s got to have a best friend right!

Daniel: Yes. But…

Mark: Her best friend it is then. Have sex with her best friend. Tape it. Send it to her and sign it as: ‘Best friends should share everything!’

Sam: I like that! Best friends should share everything!

Sam and Mark laugh.

Daniel: Like I was trying to say. Her best friends a guy. A GAY guy!

Mark: Oh. So you swing that way too huh, buddy! I have no problems with it!

Sam: Me neither. It’s cool as long as you don’t grab my ass.

Daniel: I DON’T SWING THAT WAY.

Sam and Mark laugh.

Mark: Relax buddy. We’re just kidding. Chill a little. We’re just messing with you.

Daniel: Bartender! Three Jacks on the rocks if you please!

Mark: Ok. So shagging her best friends not an option. Has she packed her stuff from your place yet?
Daniel: No. She can’t…

Sam: Can’t summon the courage to come see you eh?

Mark: Yea. That happens a lot. A good thing for you too! There’s more stuff you can do in that case.

Sam: First of all. Collect all the bitch’s panties.

Daniel: What on earth for?

Sam: Listen to the master mate. Collect all her panties and buy several tubes of wasabi. Then rub wasabi into all her panties. Make sure you rub it in deep. So the stains aren’t so apparent.

Mark: So she’ll get a freaking hot reception when she puts her panties on!

Daniel: Oh my God! That’s freaking cruel!

Sam: Then get her little play things together!

Daniel: Play things?

Mark: Her dildos and vibrators!

Sam: Her love balls!

Mark: Then rub chilli padi into them carefully. Make sure you focus on the entire tip of the toy. So when she finally notices, it will be too late!

Sam: Yeap! Imagine this! She’s wanting to get all hot and sticky from a night of pleasuring herself…

Mark: And instead she gets all hot and spicy! Chili padi spicy mate! She’ll be screaming alright! For all the wrong reasons!

Daniel laughs.

Sam: Next go pick up all her skirts and get a pair of scissors.

Daniel: Cut them up into pieces?

Mark: That’s too boring. Everyone does that!

Sam: Yea! Instead of cutting them up into pieces, cut an arrow point right at her ass region!
Mark: Yup. Tell the world that her ass is a one way street open to every one!

Sam: And if you’re REALLY lucky she might not notice it and even wear them out!

Daniel: Haha. That would definitely be a Kodak moment!

Mark: Speaking of Kodak moments, do you have any naked pictures of her?

Daniel: Well…

Sam: I take that as a yes!

Mark: A definitely yes! You kinky bugger!

Daniel grins.

Mark: Choose the juiciest most obscene picture you have of her. Colour photocopy it and make loads of cards out of them. Then use her credit card to pay for roses and one card and send it to every male in her office.

Sam: I bet you they’ll never look at her the same again!

Daniel: That’s horrible mate!

Mark: Isn’t that the idea?

Daniel laughs

Daniel: True! What else can I do?

Mark: Do you have a savings account with her?

Daniel: Yes. A matter of fact I do.

Sam: Hire a bill board in the city. Have a picture of her in it and write this: ‘I’m leaving your cheating ass. Just so you know the money’s coming from your savings account, just like the trip to Hawaii!’

Mark: You could also make an advertisement for her in the dating section in the local paper. Make it hot and slutty and write her real name and phone number in the ad. She’ll be getting calls like crazy!

Daniel: Man. You guys have given this a lot of thought haven’t you!

Mark: Just for you matie!

Sam: Do you know her messenger passwords?

Daniel: Sure do!

Sam: Great! Log into her messenger for like a few hours and talk dirty to all her friends. Guys and girls alike!

Mark: Why stop at friends! Do the same with her family members too. Can you imagine the look on her fathers face when he reads: ‘Daddy, I’ve been a bad girl! Will you spank me?’

Daniel: He’ll probably have a heart attack!

Mark: Even better!

All three of them laugh.

Daniel: Well guys. Thanks a lot for cheering me up. Listening to your ideas was hilarious.

Sam: Sure thing mate! No problem! Maybe we can come here again for another drink next Sunday. We’ll hook you up with some babes!

Daniel: I can’t next Sunday.

Mark: Why not! Don’t be a kill joy! You a single and FREE man now!

Daniel: I have a funeral to attend.

Sam: Oh? Some relative died? Sorry to hear that mate.

Daniel: Yea. My wife did.

Mark and Sam: YOUR WIFE?

Daniel: Yea. She passed away from cancer this afternoon.

Mark: Oh dude! Why didn’t you say something?

Daniel: I tried to but you guys kept cutting me off. Any way it was a good laugh. Don’t worry about it.

Sam: I’m really sorry man.

Daniel: No problem guys. I’ll see you soon! Take care.

Daniel leaves.

Mark: That was embarrassing!

Sam: Damn straight it was!

Mark: At least we got some free whisky.

Sam: Yea.

Mark and Sam: IT’S ALL GOOD!

Mark and Sam laugh and continue drinking.

Dirty minds :)

2008-05-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

Wherever you will go

2008-05-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

Wherever You Will Go lyrics

So lately, I've been wonderin
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

[Chorus]
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my loveI know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

[Chorus]
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go

Dreaming about the past

2008-05-07T00:53:00.000-07:00

She groaned in her sleep. It was another restless night. Bad dreams had plagued her for the past ten years. Her phone beeped incessantly. She moaned and reached for her phone.

'One new message. James.'

'James?!'

She got up quickly. And fumbled with her phone trying to read the message.

'Do not reply this sms. I just wanted to tell you something. Remember how you said you would smile and be really happy the day I got published. Today is that day. So smile for me. Like you used to all the time. Be safe. James.'

'Be safe.... It used to be 'I love you',' she thought and felt her heart ache.

He was always so cold and he used to frown all the time. Except when he looked at me. When he looked at me his eyes would cloud over with warmth. Then he'd seem more human. Not so cold.

'I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you. Just like this.' he had whispered in her ear one afternoon.

She smiled at him when he said that. But kept quiet. Later when she was alone, she cried . Tears of frustration.

'Hello?' she whispered.

'I told you not to reply the sms,' he said coldly.

'I didn't reply. I just called.'

'You're not getting away with this that easily,' he laughed and she relaxed.

'He's not angry,' she thought to herself.

'How are you?' he asked.

'I'm fine. Been better, been worse..' she replied.

'Thats my line. Not only do you disobey me, you steal my lines as well? You're hopeless,' he chided.

'What about you? How are you? Have you been looking after yourself?' she blurted all at once.

'What do you think?' there was an edge to his voice again.

'Drinking alot?' she added.

'Like a fish.' he said curtly.

'Why?' she said sadly. Knowing the answer before he said anything.

'Why do you think?' he countered.

'I'm sorry.' she said, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

'Don't be. I don't need your sympathy.'

'Its not sympathy. I just wished...' she left it hanging.

'That things could be different? That somehow they could work out?' he laughed coldly.

'Yea.' she said meekly.

He sighed deeply. 'If wishes were horses...' he started.

'I'd sell all them horses and buy some beer,' she ended for him.

'Something like that,' he said. She could feel his smile through the phone.

'Are you seeing anyone?' she asked suddenly.

'Its been ten years... I...' he choked.

'Is that a yes or a no?' she persisted.

'No.'

'Why not?' she asked.

'You know why,' he said.

'Because you still love me?' she pushed.

'I... I... I do.' he stammered.

'I have to go now.' she said. Tears flowing down her cheeks.

'We just started talking...' he pleaded.

'I know.'

There was an ackward silence for a while.

'Be safe.' he said simply.

'I love you too.' she said and hung up.

She looked at the ring on her finger. Sobs coming to her unchecked. Her baby, as if sensing her distress began to cry.

'What wrong honey? You woke the baby,' came a sleepy male voice.

'Nothing. I was just dreaming about the past.' she replied, wiping the tears from her eyes.

I'll be taking a short break from blogging

2008-05-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

as you can tell from the recent posts... the heart just hasn't been in them... kinda pathethic emo stuff I've been writing...

theres a lot of things on my mind...

will I ever be able to lead a normal life?
will I ever be able to make some one else completely happy?
will I be safe to be around?
will I be a father one day?
will I be a good father?

where am I headed?
where am I going?

who is coming with me?

will I be okay?
will I be fine?

most importantly... will I ever be able to smile and mean it from the heart...

The hardest thing to say

2008-05-03T01:06:00.000-07:00

Voiceless

Say something
you whisper to me
I look at you
and you're all that I see

Say it isn't true
you whisper to me
Say this isn't the way
it's meant to be

I look you in the eye
but I have nothing to say
No words to speak
to stop you from going away

I choke on syllables
the words won't come
I've lost my voice
and gone dumb

So many things to say
So many things to explain
I see you waiting to listen
Waiting in vain

I could pretend
I could lie
Rather than let
love fade away and die

I could pretend
I never did you wrong
That I was faithful to you
all along

But the words
just don't come
I've lost my voice
I've gone dumb

I stole comfort
in another's embrace
We did things
that were far from chaste

I kissed her
and thought nothing of you
I made love to her
as our passion grew

I held her close
like I've held you
I kissed her
like I've kissed you

I've wanted to tell you
to say something
That it was nothing more
than just a fling

But the words
just don't come
I've lost my voice
I've gone dumb

Voiceless
as I walk out the door
I whisper, 'I'm sorry'
I don't love you any more...

Nature's Tears

2008-05-02T10:45:00.000-07:00

All is quiet
not a whisper of hello
not a hint of farewell

Tonight you are mine
and mine alone
The world fades into oblivion

the stars are put out
and the sun has been sent to bed
only the moon shines

whispering
whispering

the leaves trickle
along the path you walked

the foot prints
still fresh on the snow caked floor
along the path you walked

the sweet embrace
the gentle carress
everything is mine again tonight

in one kiss
I taste eternity
in one smile
I feel immortal

the wind

whispers
whispers

across the path you took

we'll make love
like tommorow doesn't matter
like the sun will continue its peaceful slumber forever

we'll hold each other close
like the morning fresh dew
trickling across the first buds of spring

one step at a time
slowly
but surely
you walked away from me

let the rain rip the cherry blossoms from its tree
let the wind tear the roses from its bed
let the sun bake dry the waterfalls

let the world fall apart
into tiny pieces beyond imagination
and beyond redemption

you weren't mine to keep

but my soul and heart
still whisper your name

across the snow layden path you took away from me...

Vinepedia presents : Getting a date and dating girls

2008-05-01T06:56:00.000-07:00

Okay... so I was talking to a friend of mine and he raised a very interesting question. How do you get a date and what do you do on a date?

Ok. First of all, the obvious problem if you are single is how to get a date! There are several approaches depending on your looks and your financial status.

Easy peasy!
Look: Brad Pitt looks like me (not the other way round fool!)
Money: I own Microsoft
Approach: This one is simple enough. Just look around you, find any chick you fancy and say, 'I could have any girl in the world, but I chose you!'. Then flash stuff some 100 dollar bills in her cleavage and flash that million dollar smile of yours. If you get slapped, you're not as good looking as you thought you were. Or! The woman fancies carpet munching more than hiding the salami! Or she's a feminist! Oh wait... same damn thing!

Money talks!
Look: Butter curdles when I look at it!
Money: I own a small island and a few continents just for kicks
Approach: Get two little girls (cutesy type obviously) to walk in front of you and throw hundred dollar bills. Then, casually walk on the bills towards the girl and ask her out. If this doesn't work, shout, 'You gold digging bitch! I leave you for a second and your out on the streets selling yourself again?'

I can't afford you but I can sure f*ck your brains out!
Look: Women wet their panties (in the good way idiot... not piss themselves) when I walk by
Money: The IRS give me food tokens out of sympahty
Approach: Walk up to a girl and say, 'Pinch yourself now, cause I'm asking you out on a dream date on you!'. If she says she has a boyfriend, date her boy friend.

Hopeless dudes
Look: There's nothing left of a mirror when I look at it!
Money: I'm so ugly, Webster looks more manly than me!
Approach: Crawl up to a woman and beg her to date you. Threaten to jump of a bridge if she doesn't. If she still turns you down. Jump. You may be dead. But die knowing at least one person will think of you (with guilt) when you're gone.

Ok. Now that down to pat. What do I do with a girl on a date?

Here's vinepedia's 20 steps to a good date!

1. Take her to the movies.
2. Pick her up from her place with your car.
3. If you don't have a car, use your motorbike to pick her up.
4. If you don't have that either, suggest a scenic walk across the highway to enjoy the stars with her.
5. If she collapses from exhaustion, bring her home and screw her brains out. You walked for her after all. One sweet deed deserves another!
6. If the movie is at 2pm in the afternoon, get mommy to drive the both of you.
7. If mommy decides she wants to watch the movie too, you're screwed. Start back at point 1.
7. Look her in the eyes when you're talking to her. This will help you tell if she likes you or not. If she licks her lips or plays with her hair, we're in business. Proceed to 8. If not, proceed to 8 any way :p
8. Wait till you're about to reach an escalator and offer her a hand to step on the first step. Continue to hold her hand after that.
9. If she misteps and falls... LET GO STUPID! YOU DON'T WANT TO FALL TOO DO YOU?
10. Ask her what she wants to watch.
11. Pretend not to hear and buy tickets for a horror movie you've watched before so you know when the scary bits are coming.
12. Lift her cinema seat for her when she is about to sit.
13. Watch the movie.
14. Stretch out your hand over her head. Slowly place it over her shoulder. Please note that you should NOT have body odour when you do this! (if she passes out refer to 5)
15. Every time a scary part is coming, lean towards her and pull her close a little.
16. If she scream 'Rape!'... Run.
17. If she screams every few seconds in fear, put ear plugs on.
18. When the movies about to end, i.e. the touching scene between the hero and the chick, look at her, pull her closer and smile.
19. Talk about the movie with her on the way home.
20. Ask her out for another date if 1- 19 worked well. Beg for at least a blow job to cover the cost of the movie and petrol if it did not.

Push

2008-04-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

When I was sixteen... I was madly in love... and madly insecure as well. I remember listening to this song and I told a close friend that this was what I wanted in my relationship:

she said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
and I don't know if I've ever been really loved
by a hand that's touched me, and I feel like something's gonna give
and I'm a little bit angry, well

this ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you around
you don't owe me, we might change it
yeah we just might feel good
(CHORUS)

I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted
I will, I will

she said I don't know why you ever would lie to me
like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
and I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
you couldn't stand to be near me
when my face don't seem to want to shine
cuz it's a little bit dirty, well

don't just stand there, sayin nice things to me
cause I've been cheated, I've been wronged, and you
you don't know me, well I can't change
Well, I won't do anything at all
(CHORUS)

oh but don't bowl me over
just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so crazy, crazy
don't rush this baby, don't rush this baby
(CHORUS)

He was horrified. He was a mutual friend of ours and he said he would kill me if I treated her that way. The funny thing is he didn't understand what I meant by wanting our relationship to be like 'Push'.

I wanted the confidence to be able to take her for granted. No in the bad sense. But in the sense that I'd always know that she would be there when ever I needed her or whenever I wanted to see her. To know that she was mine and mine alone. That I wouldn't have to worry about guys hitting on her or trying to pick her up.

Like I said. I was an insecure bugger. But I still love the song :)

First kiss...

2008-04-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

romantic little poem I made :D

Staring eye to eye
but a little shy
We're going to kiss!
Oh my... oh my!

Should I lean in
or play it cool?
We're gonna kiss!
Don't mess up fool!

Is my breath bad?
Thank God I didn't smoke!
Damn, we're gonna kiss!
No joke!

Should I put my hand
behind her neck?
Kiss... kiss... kissing...
to 'Want You Back'!

Should I stick in
a little tongue action
Or just give hers
a little suction!

Should I close my eyes?
Or keep them open?
Oh time to kiss!
Sweet heavens!

A moment I'll always
keep close to the heart!
As our lips began to touch
She lets out fart!

The smell went
straight to my head
Before my first kiss
I fell down dead!

New section for TheWarpedMind

2008-04-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

Vinepedia.... I had so much fun writing the nigganese post that I'm calling out to you guys (my readers) to help me work on this section... post a question that you have about anything under the sky... and I'll vinepedia it for you :)

this is gonna be fun!

ok! meeting now! later peeps

Tagged by Jade

2008-04-29T01:26:00.000-07:00

5 things found in my bag:
1. I can't find my freakin bag let alone whats in it!

5 things found in my wallet:

1. Money
2. IC
3. picture of baby (my dog... not my woman)
4. Name cards
5. Driving license

5 favourite things in my room:

1. My computer!!!!!!!!!!!
2. My bed
3. My photo album
4. My treasure box (not copying you la jade.. really one!)
5. My dog!

5 things I always wanted to do:

1. visit my old high school mates in Nottingham again
2. get a novel published
3. become a famous blogger
4. have children
5. work as a full time writer

5 things I'm currently into:

1.my blog
2. battle stations (application in facebook)
3. drinking booze (:D)
4. hanging out with my buddies
5. eating jap food

List out the top 4 presents you wish for:
1. a new hp
2. internship to end!
3. holidays!
4. a publisher for Strawberry Milkshake

The person who tagged you is:
Ah Jeedddd....

Your 5 impressions of him/her:
1. doesn't like reading ><~
2. chirpy
3. penang kia!
4. photo freak
5. a good friend

Most memorable thing he/she has done to you:
talk to me for 3 hours while ryan and u jinn were snoring at the back of the car on the way back from penang to kl

If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
shoot her

If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
because I shot her too much

Pass the quiz to 5 people!
1. Eunice
2. Shirley
3. Pinky
4. Felicia
5. Yelena

man... I was THAT bored I did the tag -__-

Vinepedia brings you : Nigganese!

2008-04-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

Ok. The question why do chinkies and nigga’s sound alike when they speak has arisen for the fearsome sounding Mr. SHAMAN. I’ve taken a lot of time to research on this topic to answer this question. I consulted vinepedia for my research.

First of all, did you know that Chinese and blacks actually are actually from the same racial decent? Yes they are. They were called the Nigganese. Which is Sanskrit for ‘We rule basketball!’

Yeap. Even back then, they were already working on gene streaming for the NBA dominant monsters that are Yao Ming and Kobe Bryant!

Anyway, back on topic. They were the most developed empire in their hay day. In fact, they were the first to develop nuclear power; which was their ultimate downfall. In the capital of their empire ‘Ikidyounot’, they had a major crisis when their main supply of nuclear power had a meltdown.

This killed hundreds of thousands of Nigganese. But their blood was strong and they survived it. But the split occurred here as the race took to two different methods to cleanse the nuclear contamination.

One halve, turned to dipping themselves in hot tea to detoxify the poison from nuclear meltdown. They used boiling tea and put it into a barrel. Then they soaked themselves in the tea until the barrel overflowed with their sweat and tea. This effectively tea stained their skins and they became yellow.

The other halve, turn to the sun as their source of detoxification. A similar process, the focus being on sweating out the toxins. However, they performed insane amounts of exercise in the hot boiling sun instead of dipping themselves in tea. Through this process, they became super athletic and muscular. However, they spent so much time in the sun that they were burnt charcoal black.

The yellow people also began to eat everything and anything that could be eaten. From tiger dicks to porcupines. This effectively poisoned them and stunted their growth. Which is why they aren’t as big as their black counterparts.

The blacks where as only took beer and fried chicken. Which is the dream meal for growing muscles. We ALL know BEER is GOOD for you. So the next time you look at a black guy’s muscles and feel envious… the solution is simple… drown yourself in beer.

The final stages of the split came in their renaming themselves from their original race, Nigganese. The yellow counterparts began practicing kung fu as a way of life. At first, they wanted to called themselves, ‘I-practice-kungfu-and-will-kiss-your-sorry-ass-nese’ but that was too long. Since they mastered the art of chi, they simplified it and became the Chi – nese.

The black dudes where as suffered severe brain damage from over exercising and the hot sun and lost 80% of their IQ. So they decided to simplify the name from Nigganese to simply ‘nigga’.

There you have it. The REAL reason and HISTORY behind the chinks and nigga’s speaking alike. They were actually one people until the nuclear meltdown. So you Chinese and Niggas, remember your roots and stop killing each other to sell drugs to stupid white kids. Peace!

Yellow people talk ;)

2008-04-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

1) That's not right..........................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive? ........Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP............................Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man.............................. Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse..............................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the Beach?..............Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table..........Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift............Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here...................WaoSo Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet........Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone.............,No Pah King
12) Our meeting is next week............Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight...................Lei Ying Lo1
4) He's cleaning his automobile.........Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive.........Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great...................................Fa kin Su Pa

Fiction press...

2008-04-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

I've never been one to be fussy about poems or writing in general. In fact my writing's far from perfect and I realise and cherish that; as it means I have more to learn and I can still improve. When you stop improving I feel it would be time to stop writing completely if you ask me.

Reading the poems (in particular) at fiction press, I no longer believe that EVERYONE can write. A lot of the poem have one major flaw: they are too self absorbed. While the imagery may be something to be impressed about in many of the poems, the poems lack two very substancial ingredients: Structure and craft.

The images are all emotion spurts. They come strong but don't last because the writer does not do it credit as a whole for the poem. Rather than explaining or exploring the powerful images they have created, they move on to try to create OTHER powerful images. All disjointed. All random.

Random images do NOT constitute a good poem. If there is no coherency in your poem as to the images, how are people supposed to understand what you are writing? If there is no structured story in your poems, what message can you convey? None. Isn't the whole point of a poem to convery a message? I think so. In fact, many times, a GOOD poem will have undertones and implicit messages in addition to explicit messages. Many writers fail to do this. This is something I'm still trying to master myself.

Reading other peoples poems has opened my eyes alot. I'm not talking about reading GREAT poets like Hemmingway or Blake. I'm talking about reading EVERYDAY people's poems. I can see what I like and what I want to inculcate into my own writing. And I see my own weaknesses as a writer as well. It is truely an eye opening experience.

I now believe anyone can write... but not EVERYONE can write GOOD poems.

When I next fall in love

2008-04-24T03:51:00.000-07:00

Ok... so I've been single for the longest time! My gran ma has been asking me to find a nice 'sum bo' (in law) for my ailing mother who is forever sick... but that is a different rant all together. Today I want to ~~rant~~ talk about the next girl I'm going to fall in love with...

First of all the girl I fall in love with... has to have gorgeous eyes... One brown and one green to be exact! I can't make up my mind which I like better.... green.... sexy! brown... cute.... sexy... cute... sexy... cute... sexy... cute... so I'll have both!

Then she has to have a fabulous figure... I want my next love to be a model.... for mens clothes! Why you ask me? Well... she's a woman... obviously she's not going to be using all the freebie clothes that she gets from modelling... so I get them! Isn't that just a great idea! I know! I know! I thought about it all by myself... :D

She has to be voluptous... preferbly in the tummy area... the bigger the better... Why? I'm no slim jim... it feels good to have some one fatter and rounder than you as your other half... every time you look at them naked... the thought 'THANK GOD I CUT DOWN ON MY CARBS' comes to mind... it appeals to the ego...

Hmm... what else?

Yes how could I forget! She should be a multi-millionaire.... preferbly one who inherited it rather than worked for... you ask why again? WELL... the answer is obvious! So she can't bitch at me for burning money she worked her ass off for... its inherited and meant to be burn... trust me you'll kill a lot of the bitching this way XD...

My new woman should also be a Dunhill chain smoker... that doesn't finish 3/4 of the ciggarettes... leaving me 3/4 of a free ciggarette! Imagine the amount of money I'll save monthly... wait.. YEARLY!

My next woman should also be a virgin... if they don't know anything about sex... they can't call you crap in bed now can they :D! Actually scratch that... my next woman should give excellent head but is squemish about being 'kissed there'... this was I don't have to worry about knocking her up... or worry about returning the favor to her! See! Everyone is happy!

My next woman should also be a devil worshipper... since there's not one more emo and nasty than me... I'll be the deity of her world! wooooo... godhood and blow jobs in one package... can things get ANY better :D?

Ok la... so these are my requirements for a woman... my next woman to be exact! If you fit the requirements or have a sister who fits them (preferbly already walking... I'm patient but not THAT patient)... do drop me a message here yea! :D

MCP signing off :p

Wise Proverbs from 7 year olds

2008-04-24T00:27:00.000-07:00

something interesting and hilarious yelena asked me to read during work. :P

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. For a quiz, she gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first grade kids (6 or 7 year-olds)!

* Strike while the ………insect is close.
* Never underestimate the power of…………ants.
* Don’t bite the hand that………………..looks dirty.
* Better to be safe than…………….punch a grade 7 boy.
* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…….stink in the morning.
* It’s always darkest before…………DaylightSaving Time.
* You can lead a horse to water but………..how?
* No news is…………………………….impossible.
* A miss is as good as a………………….Mr.
* You can’t teach an old dog new…………..maths.
* Love all, trust………………………..me.
* The pen is mightier than the…………….pigs.
* An idle mind is…………………the best way to relax.
* Where there’s smoke there’s……………..pollution.
* Happy the bride who……………gets all the presents.
* A penny saved is……………………….not much.
* Two’s company, three’s…………………the Musketeers.
* Don’t put off till tomorrow what….you put on to go to bed.
* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and……….you have to blow your nose.
* There are none so blind as……………. Stevie Wonder.
* Children should be seen and not………….smacked or grounded.
* If at first you don’t succeed……………get new batteries.
* You get out of something only what you……see in the picture on the box.
* When the blind leadeth the blind……..get out of the way.

* And the favorite:
* Better late than……………………….pregnant

Short story :)

2008-04-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

It was hot and yet cold due to the stupid wind factor. The sun was blazing and the wind was chilling. 'Perfect weather for walking the fat mutt,' he grumbled to himself. Then his aforementioned mutt, seemed to sense his unwillingness and jumped on him to lick his face.

'You're not bribing me that easily Suki! It'll take more than a few kisses for you to get away with me having to walk you in this weather. I'll probably catch pneumonia and heat stroke on the same day!'

She barked at him and wagged her tail happily.

'I'm being serious. Don't you think I'm kidding young lady. You owe me big time for this walk!' he said petting her head and then leaned to kiss her nose.

'That's cute. You talk to you dog,' a soft voice came.

He raised his head to and found himself staring at a pair of legs that never seemed to end. Slowly he lifted up his head to complete the view. She was beautiful! Baby brown eyes, long brown hair and a smile that bespoke a good sense of humor and mischieviousness. The weather was the last thing on his mind then.

'Doesn't everyone?' he asked.

'I don't know about everyone. But I used to talk to my dog too. Sometime it seems like they speak right back to you!' she said, squatting to take a better look at Suki.

'Yea. Suki defintely understands tho. She listens and does the exact opposite of what you tell her to do. Why did you say used to?'

'Our dog died last summer. She got hit by a car.' she pouted and absently stroked Suki's fur.

'I'm sorry to hear that. Must have been painful. I can't imagine anything happening to this little rascal.' Then he squatted too, and hugged Suki. The thought of losing her had stabbed at him and he felt guilty about complaining that he had to walk her.

'Whats her name?'

'Suki. It means beloved in Japenese. And she's definitely loved in our family,' he smiled.

'She's gorgeous. She's a cocker spaniel right? Tho I've never seen one this color before,' she asked.

'She's mixed, just like her owner. She's a British-American cocket spaniel. She transends culture in her little mind.' Suki decided that she was enjoying the attention and placed her forepaws on the girls arms and reached to lick her face.

'She's friendly.'

'She's normally scared of strangers. She must like you.' He turned Suki's face towards his own. 'Who's a big flirt with pretty girls? Hmm... Suki? You shameless flirt.'

Suki wagged her tail and gave his face a thorough licking. Laughing, he said 'Its hot Suki, but not so hot that I wanna be cooled down by your saliva. You gross little mutt.'

'Pretty girls huh?'

'Err..' he felt ackward all of a sudden. It was a slip of the tongue and he didn't know what to say to take it back. In fact he didn't feel like taking it back at all.

'Well... looks like its true about pets and owners being alike then,' she giggled.

'Alike?'

'You're both overly friendly,' she grinned.

He laughed ackwardly and avoided looking her in the eye. 'Say, how about we go catch a drink at a cafe nearby. My throat is killing me. And I think Suki could use some water too.'

'Sounds like a nice idea. But I've gotta rush somewhere. I have a date.' she said mournfully.

She petted Suki's head and stood up. 'I'll see you around I guess.'

'Sure. Have fun! It was nice meeting you...' he paused.

'Penelope. Thats my name. And you are?' she asked.

'Pretty name for a pretty girl. I'm Lucas.' he offered his hand to her.

She took it. 'A firm and confident shake,' Lucas thought to himself.

'Alright! I gotta run! I'm running late!' as she started to walk away, Suki decided that she had other plans and ran circles around Penelope. Suki's leash effectively became tangled around Penelope's feet and she tripped.

Lucas took a step foward and caught her neatly.

'Whoa! Sorry about that!'

'Whats a girl gonna do? Both of you are hitting on me at the same time!' she grumbled and he laughed.

'I guess we could do an ice blended since little Suki insists,' she smiled at him.

He looked at her in his arms. 'She smells like Polo for women,' he thought. He didn't realise it but he leaned his face close towards hers.

'Kissing Suki is one thing. But you're gonna have to at least buy me a drink before I kiss you,' she laughed.

'S..sorry... that wasn't what I was thinking.' He lifted her up and helped her back on her feet. 'Lets go get that drink.'

As they walked towards the cafe, he found himself smiling. 'Well I guess walking Suki's not all that bad after all,' he said under his breath.

'Pardon?' she asked.

'I said its a beautiful day for a walk.' he smiled at her as they continued walking.

Early signs that...

2008-04-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

your son is gay!

small site update

2008-04-23T01:27:00.001-07:00

I added the map thingy which shows you where I'm getting visitors from... or in this case... where I'm NOT getting visitors from (no one reads my blog :(

that was relatively easy thanks to yelena... no brainer stuff.. just click click click... voila it appears...

the @#$#@!!! visitor counter was a MUCH bigger pain in the ass... took me a good 2 hours to figure out how to paste the html to get it to work properly... now its done....

voila! 1 visitor... some how I think the count is gonna be more depressing than impressive...

but who cares... its done...

Sinderella ella ella IV

2008-04-22T01:25:00.001-07:00

Leo DeCrapio: Let's take a look at you sugar! Do me a model like spin!

*CindyFella spins*

Leo DeCrapio: Dear God… that was a TANK model spin!

CindyFella: So I’m big boned! What’s your problem!

Leo DeCrapio: Honey, T-Rex’s are big boned. You’re just bloody fat!

CindyFella: I resent that!

Leo DeCrapio: Resent? Resemble? It’s all the same really!

CindyFella: Okay fine! So my weight could use a little fine tuning.

Leo DeCrapio: Violins need fine tuning. You need a mass salvage, like a rundown fort!

CindyFella: No need to be so heartless!

Leo DeCrapio: If I were heartless I’d tell you that you were so fucking fat, you leek black oil out of your sweat glands. Which is good! At this rate, we’ll be having a huge shortage the stuff for our cars and you’ll definitely be in demand!

CindyFella: Is there anything we can do about this?

Leo DeCrapio: Short of cutting you up and using you as a substitute product for pork meat?

CindyFella: Definitely short of that!

Leo DeCrapio: From now on you’re officially bulimic! It worked for Amy Whinehorse! Everyone feels bad for her! And she looks hot now?

CindyFella: I don’t want to be just skin and bones.

Leo DeCrapio: Honey, the FuhGee’s would stop making bad cover albums the day before you became skin and bones. Robin William would be less hairy than a mammoth! Politicians would take responsibility for global warming. Nicole Itchy would be hot!

CindyFella: Okay… okay… Bulimia is still a disgusting habit. I refuse to do it!

Leo DeCrapio: The only alternative is exercise.

CindyFella: So, I stick my fingers in my throat and puke out what ever I eat right? I can live with that.

Leo DeCrapio: Nah! Scratch that. We need to flog this movie off as a family movie. Can’t have you puking all over the place. Who’ll buy the overpriced popcorn? Besides I have a secret ingredient that will definitely help!

CindyFella: Exercise… *sigh*

Leo DeCrapio: Yes! We’ll start with some chin ups! BRING IT ON BABY!

CindyFella: BRING IT ON BABY!

Leo DeCrapio jumps CindyFella and kisses him

CindyFella: *splutter* I knew that was gonna happen!

Leo is cycling and CindyFella is jogging behind him.

Leo DeCrapio: I don’t know what I’ve been told!

CindyFella: I don’t know what I’ve been told!

Leo DeCrapio: I’m gonna run till I I run out of fat folds!

CindyFella: I’m gonna run till I… WHAT?

Leo is spotting for CindyFella who is shown lifting a bar

Leo DeCrapio: One!

CindyFella: One!

Leo DeCrapio: Two!

CindyFella: Tohhhhh!

Leo DeCrapio: Three!

CindyFella: Thre…. HELP! HELP!

Leo helps lift the bar from CindyFella.

Leo DeCrapio: Good work! Before you know it, we’ll put some weights on that nasty bar!

CindyFella: I want to LOSE weight. Not GAIN weight you stupid fag.

Leo DeCrapio: Haha! Speaking of gaining weight, go take a shower. I’ll prepare dinner for us.

CindyFella: Now you’re talking! I’m starving!

CindyFella goes to take his shower.

Leo DeCrapio: Now for the secret ingredient. Fairy God Papa’s magic potion. Cherry flavored... gotta love virgins!

Leo DeCrapio: Hmm… *reads bottles* ‘Lose a few pounds’, ‘I’m a baby whale,’ ‘Toilet Atom Bomb’. TOILET ATOM BOMB! Sounds about right! Hmm… apply one teaspoon… oh what the hell…

Leo dumps the whole bottle into the cooking pan.

Leo DeCrapio: Bon apetit!

Paris is a country = =;

2008-04-20T10:05:00.001-07:00

We went to Wabisabi yesterday to hang out and have a few beers... well.. more than a few... but thats all good ;)

the place itself is pretty classy and the atmosphere is brilliant for chilling out... my only bitch is that the beer is bloody pricy... but I guess you pay for the venue...

the conversation ranged from the serious career stuff to travelling and we finally settled on sex! In fact we talked about sex for a good 2 hours... little Frances had lots of questions to ask Tak, Dennis and myself... and I guess we didn't mind answering her questions as long as there was booze flowing... haha... but its interesting la... sharing experiences with each other... then we get a view on how different people view things...

but the blonde moment of the night definitely belonged to Frances... she asked quite innocently, 'Isn't Wales in Ireland?'... which brought some laughter from us la... then she had to top it off with 'Isn't Paris a country?'... omg... beer + silly comments = non stop laughter for minutes after minutes! I remember her bf, Fang said something like... 'No, it's Paris HILTON!'... even more laughter...

talking with Tak that night was something to think about la... pursuing your own dreams... I always wanted to be a copywriter... now I'm not so sure... I'm having little doubts in my mind whether the work pace and style suit my personality and lifestyle... If I had things my way I would just be a full time script or story writer... and make my money from that... writing has always been my passion... doing it fulltime would be bliss...

maybe I'll have to work first and see how it goes... yeah... I think I will go with that... and see how my book goes with Maya... then make a decision... after all I'm bonded for two years... so yea... we'll see

a little update on the book... I've finished my compilation of poems, stories, musings and scipts... if you want a peek at what I've included... just ask me for a copy on msn :)

work tommorow...

joy... oh.... j.o.y.!

later people!

Yesterday

2008-04-18T14:02:00.000-07:00

Here I am at 5.00 am... still editing my compilation for the book... had a little too much to drink and its making me menacholic...

thinking of the past...

good memories... bad memories...

some how they all seem to melt into one emotion... nostalgia...

but i'm doing fine now... and I will be doing even better in the future...

I have some big news :)

2008-04-17T04:54:00.000-07:00

and for a BIG change... its is GOOD news!

Maya Press is interested in publishing a book with my poetry, stories and plays... Maya Press is probably one of the largest literary publishers in Malaysia... for those of you who haven't heard of it... (not that I blame you...)

so I will be giving them 120 pages of my work from the blog to be made into a book... plays, poems, stories... rantings? Haha...

either way I'm really happy... big chance for me...

I've already started compiling the work...

if there's anyone out there willing to help me go through the stuff I've compiled and help me choose what to put in and what not to.... it would be a big help...

things are looking better :)

I'll update off and on about the book :D

Sinderella ella ella III

2008-04-15T01:02:00.001-07:00

CindyFella: Fairy god father? Do those even exist?

Leo DeCrapio: Of course we do! Just that we’re more undercover than fairy godmothers. And we’re all proper fairies, unlike the female species in our job, if you get what I mean.

CindyFella: I’m CindyFella, whats your name fairy godpapa?

Leo DeCrapio: Leo DeCrapio

CindyFella: So should I call you Crap for short?

Leo DeCrapio: No. What kinda shit name is that? Call me Big Daddy. Or Cum To Papa!

CindyFella : Cum To Papa!

Leo DeCrapio jumps CindyFella and kisses him.

CindyFella: You fucking fag… that’s not what I meant! GET OFF!

Leo DeCrapio : Oh.. my bad!

CindyFella: How about you make yourself more fairy godfather like and help me out here instead of trying to hit on me?

Leo DeCrapio : Okay. So what seems to be the problem?

CindyFella: Theres this girl you see...

Leo DeCrapio : Girl? Sorry. Don't do girls... men yes... boys... when theres no cops around... yes... but girls? What are you? Sick?

CindyFella: Love sick!

CindyFella shows the picture of Sinderella... ella... ella... (yes the booby one :p)

Leo DeCrapio : Okay... now I'M the one thats gonna be sick... who on earth would find THAT sexy!

CindyFella: Anyone with eyes!

Leo DeCrapio : I have eyes...

CindyFella: Ok... anyone with eyes and testosterone...

Leo DeCrapio : Testicles! Now those are a different story! How about I get you a nice partner? I have a picture too! Look!

CindyFella: Fairy papa! That's a man!

Leo DeCrapio: Isn't he now!?

CindyFella: Not my type! Anyway isn't he some sort of footballer?

Leo DeCrapio: Yeap. He's crap at football but amazing with his tongue and hands!

CindyFella: I didn't need to know that...

Leo DeCrapio: There was this one time... in band camp...

CindyFella: I don'....

Leo DeCrapio: I shoved a flute up his ass!

CindyFella: ...'t want to know. Sigh.

Leo DeCrapio: So what do you say boy? Want me to hook you two up? He's really into big boys like you.

CindyFella: THIS is what I want! Either help me or get the hell away from me!

Leo DeCrapio: Okay... okay... not need to get all Queeny on me. You're worse than Elton Johnny after George Michelle sang 'Don't let Elton go down on me.'

CindyFella: It was 'Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me'.

Leo DeCrapio: See! There you go again! Bitch.. bitch.. bitch....'

CindyFella: So are you helping or NOT?

Leo DeCrapio: Are you sure you don't want a nice spice boy... like Scary Spice?

CindyFella: She's a woman.

Leo DeCrapio: There you go! Just your type!

CindyFella: No. I WANT SINDERELLA-ELLA er.. ELLA!

Leo DeCrapio: Sigh. If thats what you want. Step into my office.

Leo DeCrapio waves his wand and wiggles his ass. A puff of smoke appears.

Coughing

Leo DeCrapio: Welcome to my office!

CindyFella: What the hell! This is a funeral parlour!

Leo DeCrapio: I know. This fairy god father thing doesn't put food on the plate you know?

CindyFella: Why a funeral parlour then?

Leo DeCrapio: Well... Its normally hopeless people like you who give us business in the fairy godhood thingymajic.

CindyFella: Whats that got to do with a funeral parlour?

Leo DeCrapio: Well lately we've not been so hot on the success rate with the whole fairy godhood thingy. Some of them committed suicide.

CindyFella: What? Some?

Leo DeCrapio: Okay okay... most of them?

CindyFella: I'm doomed!

Leo DeCrapio: Cheer up! I'm sure your happy ending will be perfect! Now lets get to work!

Sinderella ella ella II

2008-04-14T03:36:00.000-07:00

Newspapers flies in to CindyFella's face

CindyFella: Hmm... whats this? Oh my god! Who is this babe!

Oh Bra Winfley: What babe, fairy godson?

CindyFella: THIS babe! Sinderella-ella-ella!

Oh Bra Winfley: Thats no babe! Thats an ungrateful bitch! I gave her a happily ever after and she dumped me like a lump of hot coal! Just because I told her husband she used to sell herself in Jalan Alor.

CindyFella: How could you, fairy god mama. What did he say?

Oh Bra Winfley: The idiot said at least he was saving 50 bucks every night and married her any way.

CindyFella: She's too beautiful to have done something so wrong! I don't believe you fairy god mama. I think I'm in love!

Oh Bra Winfley: Look. I've seen this crap on my talk shows all the fucking time. Boy sees girl on newspaper. Boy falls for girl. Girl asks for webcam sex. Girl tapes it and blackmails boy. Boy kills himself. You're being stupid!

CindyFella: She's not like other girls fairy god mama. I can tell from the picture!

Oh Bra Winfley: You idiot! Thats just a shot of her cleavage. You don't even know what her face looks like!

CindyFella: Yes but what a valley! I could drown in those!

Oh Bra Winfley: Of course you could. She's a double DD. I helped her get those made by the same guy who did Peter Anre's abs. Grope her too hard and she'll have three tits instead of two. That's what you get for mop, a pumpkin and two mice for a boob job!

CindyFella: I don't care god mama. I want to try to marry her. It says theres going to be a ball to find her next husband. Help me get in shape for it!

Oh Bra Winfley: I might own 3/4's of America and be able to sell sugar to diabetic Americans who love me, but get you into shape? In a week? Hell, even a dozen bulldozers couldn't ram you into shape.

CindyFella: Use your magic wand! You can turn me into a gorgeous hunk with a wave of your hand?

Oh Bra Winfley: Honey, if that worked, do you think I'd be an ugly, fat ass, black American woman? Do you think I'd honestly spend my days listening to problems from head case Americans? Head cases amongst Americans! Have you any idea how crazy you have to be to be considered a headcase by an American. No... no way that will work.

CindyFella: She's the one for me god mama. I want her. I can feel it in my bones!

Oh Bra Winfley: More like your boner. Just like a man. Flash a bit of titty and the little head takes over the big head. I'll tell you this young man. If you go for her. It's over between you and I. I'm done supporting your fat ass. I'll dump you so fast you won't be able to finish a cheese burger!

CindyFella: Don't make me choose fairy god mama. Please! Thats not fair!

Oh Bra Winfley: I'll take away all your food!

CindyFella: You WOULDN'T!

Oh Bra Winfley : Oh yes sir! I definitely would! Lets see how you afford 20 big facks for breakfast, 40 for lunch and 80 for dinner!

CindyFella: You can't. Mc Gonads would dump their sponsorship of your show!

Oh Bra Winfley : To hell with the show! I'm done with listening to people whine about their lives!
CindyFella: I'm sorry god mama. I've made up my mind.

Oh Bra Winfley: You will regret this you fat bastard!

Oh Bra Winfley waves her wand and a huge puff of smoke appears

Sounds of coughing

CindyFella: You didn't leave! You love me too much for that after all!

Oh Bra Winfley: Fucking Spill Beerg is gonna hear it from me for this shitty special effects.

Oh Bra Winfley storms out of the house.

CindyFella: Oh no! What ever will I do?

CindyFella: Oh no! I'm in such a fix! Who ever will help me?

CindyFella: Oh woe is me! Is this the end?

CindyFella: OI! YOU FUCKING FAG THATS YOUR CUE TO COME IN!

Leo DeCrapio: Sorry! Sorry! I was busy blowin... er talking to some one.. I had my mout... err... hands full.

CindyFella: Oh my! Who could you be?

Leo DeCrapio: I'm your fairy god father of course! Does the pink skirt go with my eyes?

Sinderella ella ella

2008-04-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

heh.. since I've been accused of being redundant... I thought I'd post another script of mine in the works... definitely different from Strawberry Milkshake :)

enjoy!

_____________________________________________________________________

New Paper showing Headlines

SinDerella smashes glass heel into Charming’s ear after argument!

SinDerella: Oh my God! How dare these bloody journalists blow everything out of proportion? All I did was tap him on the head with my heels! How dare they say I killed my poor hubby!

Britney Shaves: How is that possible Sindy? Your heel smashed straight through poor Charmy’s skull!

SinDerella: Shut up hairball. I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here.

Britney Shaves: You know I hate it when you call me that, Sindy!

SinDerella: Ok! Punziel then!

Britney Shaves: I hate that too! Not that long haired freak I used to be! Call me by my new name, Britney Shaves, damn it!

SinDerella: Whatever! At least you were useful back then. You used to clean my room by just walking around.

Britney Shaves: Emo!

SinDerella: Skinhead!

Britney Shaves: Emo!

SinDerella: Skinhead!

*fades out with them calling each other names*

Ext Garden

Sound of kids running around and screaming.

SinDerella: DAMN MY OVARIES! 18 kids in two years? I must be some freak or something!

Dougie Howsit: Well actually I can explain it to you if you want.

SinDerella: Shut up! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here!

Dougie Howsit: That’s when a woman who is unable to naturally have children injects a group of drugs over an eight- to 10-day period so her ovaries can produce several mature eggs during a menstrual cycle. Therefore…

SinDerella: Shut up Dougie Howsit. I wasn’t barren. Charmy just couldn’t get it up! So we had no choice. But 18 babies in two years? What am I some kind of baby fucking factory? This is your fault!

Dougie Howsit: You remind me everyday and make me baby sit for free. What else do you want from me?

SinDerella: I want you to get rid of the brats. And I want a new husband. I haven’t gotten laid in weeks and its making me cranky.

Dougie Howsit: A cranky emo… is a normal emo!

SinDerella punches Dougie Howsit

SinDerella: Just do it! Or I’ll sue you for malpractice you squeaky voiced little pip squeak!

Dougie Howsit: Sell your children? But you’ll just use it to feed your alcoholism and cocaine abuse! As your personal doctor I seriously think…

SinDerella: DO IT! BEFORE I BREAK YOUR FUCKING VOICE WITH MY REMAINING GLASS SLIPPER!

Dougie Howsit: *squeak* Okay.

Ext. Warehouse

SinDerella: You sure this dude’s gonna buy my kids?

Dougie Howsit: Yea! They don’t call him the Big Bad Wolf for nothing.

SinDerella: Good!

Dougie Howsit: Aren’t you worried he’s going to eat them?

SinDerella: God damn it. I have my own fucking problems. Why the hell should I worry about some over grown brats.

Big Bad Wolf: Hello. I’ll huff, and I’ll puff and I’ll blow you.

SinDerella: He’s talking to you Dougie.

Dougie Howsit: I’m only 15… its not legal I’m afraid… according to the Law of…

Big Bad Wolf : Bah… Jail bait… no wonder you sound like a woman

SinDerella: You don’t look so bad to me. You’re a short yellow Chinese man. How can you be the big bad wolf?

Big Bad Wolf: Haiyah… its just a nickname la. I’m the biggest triad in town. People FEAR me!

SinDerella: I hate fucking triads.

Big Bad Wolf: I hate emo goth bitches. So we’re even.

SinDerella: Anyway I brought you some pork. So don’t eat my kids when I sell them to you?

Big Bad Wolf: PORK? NO PORK! I’m Muslim!

SinDerella & Dougie Howsit: Muslim??

Big Bad Wolf: Of course la! How do you think I own all these child labour based factories!

SinDerella: So it’s just child labour huh? Well I’ve had a tougher life. These little bastards will survive. So give me the money!

Mysterious voice: Ouhhhh! Wait! I’ll buy your kids from you!

SinDerella: Oh my god! Its Michelle Jerkson.

Michelle Jerkson: They’ll live a wonderful life and never grow up in my Never Never Land. Cause I’m BAD!

Big Bad Wolf: I’m THE BAD ONE HERE! Your kids’ll also go through a carton of lube every month!

Michelle Jerkson: I resent that! I don’t use lube. I like it natural!

Big Bad Wolf: Just like your face? I think your nose is dropping off again!

Michelle Jerkson: Are you picking a fight Chinaman?

Big Bad Wolf: Better a Chinaman than a ying yang plastic androgynous screw up!

Michelle Jerkson: THAT’S IT! TAKE THIS!

Michelle Jerkson throws his hat at Big Bad Wolf and cuts the Big Bad Wolf’s shirt.

Big Bad Wolf: That’s nothing! You and your stupid cap!

Big Bad Wolf bites Michelle Jerkson’s arm

Big Bad Wolf: Damn it! I can’t tell if its WHITE meat or BLACK meat, but… it definitely tastes like freaking PLASTIC!

Michelle Jerkson: What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re really asking for it now.

Michelle Jerkson takes off his glove and Freddy Kruger like claws come out. He slashes at the Big Bad Wolf.

Big Bad Wolf: What the hell? How did you steal those from Cougar?

Michelle Jerkson: I knew him since he was a kid. So he lent them to me.

Big Bad Wolf: No wonder he turned out to be such a sick screw up! He still walks like a cowboy too! Take this! Grandma’s Specialty!

Big Bad Wolf throws a pair of giant dentures at Michelle Jerkson that bite his arm.

Michelle Jerkson: Ouhhh!! I mean… OW!!!!!!

SinDerella: I HATE ACTION MOVIES. They’re just like life… meaningless!

SinDerella Takes out an M16 and shoots both of them!

Dougie Howsit: Oh my god! You shot both of them!!

SinDerella: Well what are you waiting for, take the money and let’s go home. I’m RICH NOW!

Dougie Howsit: Shouldn’t we call an ambulance?

SinDerella: SHUT UP! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here!

Dougie Howsit: What about the kids?

SinDerella: What about them? I have my own problems. Don’t dump all your troubles on me! Shut up and let’s go.

The two walk away with two silver suitcases of money.

Ext Garden

SinDerella: The damn kids found their way home! STRESS!

Britney Shaves: I’ll sing them a song and calm them down.

Britney Shaves sings ‘hit me baby one more time’ and the kids beat the crap out of her.

SinDerella: They finally did something useful With this money I’ll just send them all off to boarding school! YES that’s a BRILLIANT idea!

Britney Shaves: Call an ambulance!!!

SinDerella: SHUT UP! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here!

Int Living Room

SinDerella: Finally peace and quiet! The brats are gone!

Maximum: Yes madam. It is a triffle quiet without the little ones.

SinDerella: That’s an understatement Jenkins.

Maximum: I AM MAXIMUM MERIDAS, GENERAL OF THE FERRET REGIMENT OF THE RODENT ARMY AND SERVANT TO THE EMPEROR RATATOUILLE! I AM FATHER TO A MURDERED HAMSTER AND HUSBAND TO TWO MURDERED GERBILS AND LANDLORD TO AN ANTI RODENT WORLD – AND I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE!

SinDerella: Shut the fuck up! All butlers are called Jenkins. And you’re no different!

Maximum: But, but…

SinDerella: I’ll cut your cheese rations if you don’t shut up!

Maximum: Yes ma’am. Jenkins it is.

SinDerella: Any way I have to make a plan to find my new husband!

Maximum: I know ma’am, why don’t we throw a ball like Prince Charming did to find your new husband.

SinDerella: I know! I should throw a ball like Prince Charming did to find my new husband! I’m a genius!

Maximum: But ma’am, that was MY idea!

SinDerella: SHUT UP! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here.

=

Vanilla Kisses Chapter 1

2008-04-09T02:25:00.001-07:00

It wasn't much of a football match. They were losing badly. One of the players had injured been injured by a rough tackle from the opponents. He smiled to himself. 'This is where I shine!' he grinned to himself.He took the free kick quickly, running the ball forward into open space. As he ran, he kept his eyes open, looking for an open player. There were none.

'I'll take it myself then,' he thought.

He baited the defender, teasing him with a look at the ball then pulled it deftly behind his dribbling leg. Then he kicked it forward, leaving the off balanced defender with a mistimed tackle and himself with yards of space. There was nothing between him but the keeper and himself.

'Go A levels!,' he heard some one shout. He risked a quick glance, to see who it was. His jaw dropped a little. She was something to look at. Short jet black hair that fell to her shoulders. And a short flowery blue skirt.

'Gosh, what a short skirt!' he thought looking appreciatively at her legs.

'You IDIOT! What are you doing! Run for goal,' some one hissed.

His mind snapped back to the football game. He had stopped running to look at her and defenders were gaining ground on him quickly. He raced forward and dribbled.He pushed the ball to his best foot and prepared to shoot.

'Go A levels!' said the voice again. Distracted he looked up. And miskicked it horribly. To his suprised he barely missed. The corner flag that is.There was a groan from the A level's crowd.

'Even a blind man could have shot better than that! What were you doing you idiot,' said his new friend Kenny.'Sorry! I got distracted! We'll get the next ball!' he replied. He looked up again for the girl. But she wasn't there anymore. He sighed.

It began to drizzle slightly. They were 3 – 0 down. ‘Three goals,’ he thought to himself. ‘This should be fun!’ he grinned. ‘We’ll start with this ball!’ he shouted to his teammates and ran towards the opposing defender with the ball. Watching his opponent’s hips carefully, he predicted the side step and tackled him neatly.

Not watching his opponent stumble awkwardly after the tackle, he began running towards goal again, he heard Kenny call his name, ‘Jason! Cross it!’ Slowing down his full strides, he nudged the ball onto his best foot and stroked it on the sweet spot. The ball traveled swiftly and true to its aim, straight into the path of Kenny’s run towards goal. Kenny chested it neatly and volleyed it on his second touch, right into the back of the net.

‘That’s the way it should be mate!’ Jason screamed, running in joy towards his teammates.

Then it began pouring.

Soaked from head to toe, he lit a cigarette up and began taking deep drags. His breathing was heavy and his lower torso was covered with mud.

‘Man, I thought you were good. Dribbling like a mad man past a few defenders and then that assist after a great tackle. But that was it! You moved like a dying slug after that!’ said Kenny.

‘Dude! Give me a break. Its been months since I’ve had any exercise!’ Jason said exasperatedly.

‘The cigarettes aren’t doing you any good either!’ Kenny laughed.

‘Shut up. I know you want one. Just ask, instead of bitching at me,’ Jason grinned, passing him a cigarette. ‘Anyway, did you see that chick? The one who was cheering for us?’ he asked.

‘We had chicks cheering for us? I didn’t see anything,’ Kenny replied, lighting up.

‘Too busy checking out the guys eh?’ he teased and avoided a sweeping kick from Kenny. ‘Man, I’m too tired to play footsie with you. Give it a rest.’ Jason complained.

‘Well you have half an hour to get ready for your birthday party. Can’t have the birthday boy looking like a mud pie now can we?’ Kenny chuckled.

‘Crap. It’s that late already? I need a change of clothes and a shower!’ Jason groaned.

‘Lucky for you, my house is right down the road. You can take a shower there. But as for clothes… well I guess I could find something that fits you,’ Kenny grinned impishly.

‘I don’t like that look on your face mate. You’re up to something. I can feel it!’
‘What the fuck dude! What kind of get up is this?’ Jason demanded. ‘Oversized pink shorts and a body hugging purple T-shirt? Are you trying to all the fags in town to hit on me or something?’

Kenny laughed for a good five minutes before admitting, ‘Yea, something like that! Besides, it your fault we lost 5 – 1. If you had just lasted the full 90 minutes instead of 15 minutes, we’d have won. Think of it as a birthday present! Let’s go bro. We’re gonna be late!’

Jason grumbled and whined all the way to Subang Parade about the clothes and it just sent Kenny into bigger spurts of laughter.

He's not dead

2008-04-07T11:36:00.001-07:00

He’s just sleeping
Laying there
A little pale, a little white
Just exhaustion from last night

His eyes half open
Staring into nothingness
Glazed and empty
Let him rest, let him be

His skin’s cold to the touch
The slightest sheen of sweat
Maybe he’s falling ill
But why is his body oh so still

His hands still clasping
Holding tightly
The bottles of pills
He’s resting, he’s ill

He’s not breathing
He’s turning blue
But it will pass
It won’t last

He’s not broken
He hasn’t given up
He’s not dead
He’s just resting on his bed

He wouldn’t leave us
Those who love him
He is strong
He can’t die, its just wrong

Why did he leave
Why did he go
He’s just sleeping
I’m his mother… I know

Lessons of Life :p

2008-03-31T06:04:00.000-07:00

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

All you virgin kissers!

2008-03-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

It's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:

Is it the right time?

Is anyone watching?

Does your partner even want to?

Is your breath fresh?

AND -------- Should you use some tongue?

Then you say to yourself

---------

'What the heck!'

and so you just go for it!!!

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Just goes to say kids will EAT and KISS anything...

so those lone pervs of there... take the hint ;)

A good weekend :)

2008-03-24T03:54:00.000-07:00

Hey all... hows everyone doing... I'm coming off a blast of a weekend... so the weekdays are quite the anti climax... well VERY the anti climax to be honest... first off I won something for the first time in my life... I've never won anything big at sports before... but I got an impressive third place for IACT's pool tournament at Club 7... well not really that impressive la... but to me its impressive... so bite me! :p

the tournament started off with a group stage... where 8 players are put in a group and play each other one time each... the runner up and the winner from each group proceeds to the quarterfinals...

I was checking out my opponents for weaknesses during the first round... seeing if there would be any easy games... and to my horror... every one in my group was as sharp or sharper than me... PLUS.. PLUS!!! There was a Malaysian 9ball player in my group... it was indeed the group of death... really scary stuff...

I won my first three games... but they were by the skin of my teeth... Really close racks... then on my 4th game... I lost to this guy whose name I can't remember... he really outplayed me... and I couldn't get my rhythm going... I won the next game due to luck... my opponent scratched after potting the nine ball... Scratched as in 'yum sui' (sank the white) ... not disqualified for scratching his balls during the game :p...

then it was time to play the national player... he totally outclassed me... his shots and savings were a level way above mine... I only managed to take two shots before he finished the rack... so my back was against the wall... at this point I had two losses and most people lost only once... to qualify I'd have to win my next two games... I told myself to play my best and give it a shot... to my amazement I won my next two games easily and finished runner up... the national player finished first of course...

there was a small crowd watching the quarter finals... it made me nervous at first... but I decided that I wanted to win this... and go for first place! so I fed off the crowd and played some of the best pool I've ever played... I won the race to three in like five minutes... it was like I couldn't miss a shot! I told myself to ride this feeling and go all the way to the finals!

the semi's were really tight too... I was playing well and leading 4 -2 ... the crowd was amazing I tell you... I really got a high from having all these people watch and cheer... I just wanted to do my best and show them that I got into the semi finals cause I deserved to... not by pure dumb luck... any way.. alfred (my opponent) made a mistake and parked the nine ball at the pocket... it was a SUPER easy shot... but I had to use a rest to take the shot... and if I made the shot... I would be in the finals! ONE SHOT AWAY I told myself... just ONE EASY shot... and I took it.... AND BLOODY MISSED!

I was so pissed with myself that I lost my concentration after that... the crowd were like 'How did he miss that!?'... and it kept playing in my head... so I wasn't playing my normal game... Alfred took advantage of this and kicked my ass... beating me 5 - 4 in the end... all credit to him... he's a sharp and consistent bugger!

I thought that was the end of my pool experience... when Justin asked me if I wanted to take a break before playing the 3rd / 4th playoffs... At that point I was quite disheartened so I said 'Lets get it over with...'

And I really meant it... I just wanted to get the games over with and go home... but then... the crowd was really great again... encouraging and cheering... and I started to enjoy playing in front of so many people again... I got an adraneline rush from all of it... a high that no drug or alcohol can give you... so played my best... it was really close... my opponent went up 1 - 0... then I drew level... 1 - 1.... then he took the lead again at 2 - 1.... then my streak began... and I won 3 games in a row... but he was persistent and drew close at 3 - 4...

the nightmare of losing after going up 4 -2 to alfred came to haunt me... I got nervous as hell and started making mistakes... plus I was really mentally exhausted from playing the whole day... normally I play pool just for 2 hours max a day... but that day I had been playing for around 5 hours already... I was at my limit... I really thought I was going to lose 5 - 4 again...

then my opponent made a mistake... he placed the cue ball directly above the nineball... so there was no shot for him to take... EXCEPT... a really tough shot with the cue ball banking off the rail to hit the nine ball into the pocket... and he had the balls to take it... if he missed I would win the playoff... but he took it... and ALMOST made it... the nine ball was centimetres from being potted... leaving me an easy shot and the win!

I must say I really enjoyed playing in front of our IACT students... kudos to all of you for making a great event even more fun for the students... I know I had a good time... and I really enjoyed every moment of my 15 minutes in the limelight...

only complaint I have is that I played for six hours... and won a 30 buck voucher... the bloody entry fee was 20 bucks... so I spent 6 hours toiling over the pool table to win 10 bucks! But then again nothing can buy the high I got from playing infront of my friends and college mates... so thats not a big deal :)

Especially for yelena

2008-03-18T06:45:00.000-07:00

This is my official protest against the emo, mushy crap that you hear on the radio every single bloody day....

I call it...

NO CHAIR!

enjoy

Tell me how I'm suppose to sit with no chair[oohhhh]
(Verse 1)
[ Jordin S.]
If ishould die
beforeI sit
Its causeyou took
my seat away
losing my seat is like living in a world
with no chair
Ohhh...

[ Chris B.]
Im here
alone
didnt want
to leave
My ass won't move
its incomplete
wish therewas a way
that i can sit instead of stand

(Pre-Chorus)
But How [how]
Do you expect me [me]
To sit alone with just me [me]
Cause my world revolves around my cushion
its so hard for me to sit

(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to sit with no chair
Can't relax can't sit with no chair
thats how i sit whenever my chair ain’t there
Its No chair No chair
Got me standing here in the lounge so long
Tell me how dare you sit without me
if my chair ain't here i just can't sit
Its No chair no chair
No chair chair (ohhhh)
No chair chair (noooo)
No chair chair (ohhhh)
No chair chair

( Verse 2 )
[ Chris B.]
I Walked
I Ran
I Jumped
I Flew
Right off the ground
To float to around
Theres no chair
To let me settle down
For real

[Jordin S.]
But
Somehow
Im still alive inside
You took my chair
But i survived
I don't know how to sit
But i don't dare

(Pre-Chorus)
So How (How)
Do you expect me (Me)
To live sit down with just me (Ohh)
Cause my world revolves around upholstery
its so hard for me to sit

( Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to sit with no chair
(ohhhh) [ohhh]Can't live can't sit with no chair
(ohhh) [ohhh]thats how i feel whenever my chair ain't there
Its No chAir No chAir
Got me out here and the lounge so long(So long)
Tell me how you dare you sit without me (Without Me Yeahhh)
if the chair ain't here i just can't sit[nooo chairr]
Its No chAir No chAir
No chair chair (ohhhh)
No chair chair (ohhhh)
No chair chair (ohhhh)
No chair chair (No More)
uhh uhh uhh[baby]
No chAir (ohhh)
uhh uhh uhh (Baby)
No chAir (ohhh)
uhh uhh uhh
No chAir
Its No chAir No chAir
Heyyy..Oooooo..No chAiiiiiir
Oooooo..Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to breathe with no chair (ohhhh) [no chair]
Can't live can't sit with no chair
thats how i feel whenever my chair ain't there [no sitting] [no sitting at all]
Its No chAir No chAir
Got me out here and the so long (So long)
Tell me how dare you sit without me (Without Me Yeahhh) [cant sit without ya baby]
if you ain't here i just can't sit
Its No chAir No chAir
Do you expect me
To live alone with just me
Cause my world revolves around you[babyyyy]
its so hard for me to sit

(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to sit with no chair (ohhhh)
Can't sit can't breathe with no chair
thats how i feel whenever my chair ain't there [not there]
Its No chAir No chAir

[ Jordin S.]
Got me out here and in the lounge so long

[ Chris B.]
Tell me how dare you sit be without me

[ Jordin S.]if my chair ain't here i just can't sit

[Both]
Its No chAir No chAir
No chair chair (ohh)
No chair chair (ohh)
No chair chair (No chair)

The Irish ;)

2008-03-18T06:04:00.000-07:00

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," the man replied.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?

"O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Paddy was in New York .He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians."

Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher.

"They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.

He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each pla ce he saw blood.He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Patton said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Kathleen said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Need a little help!

2008-03-17T04:31:00.000-07:00

I'm horrible at giving people names... so I'm giving YOU, the readers (hopefully!) a chance to name my characters for me!

so give me a bunch of names... and I'll use them in my new story ;)

do it fast yea... or don't bitch about me using my friends names and my own name again!

see ya!

A new story... :)

2008-03-17T04:02:00.000-07:00

here's a little teaser... keep coming for more ;)

It wasn't much of a football match. They were losing badly. One of the players had injured been injured by a rough tackle from the opponents. He smiled to himself. 'This is where I shine!' he grinned to himself.

He took the free kick quickly, running the ball forward into open space. As he ran, he kept his eyes open, looking for an open player. There were none. 'I'll take it myself then,' he thought. He baited the defender, teasing him with a look at the ball then pulled it deftly behind his dribbling leg. Then he kicked it forward, leaving the off balanced defender with a mistimed tackle and himself with yards of space. There was nothing between him but the keeper and himself.

'Go A levels!,' he heard some one shout. He risked a quick glance, to see who it was. His jaw dropped a little. She was something to look at. Short jet black hair that fell to her shoulders. And a short flowery blue skirt. 'Gosh, what a short skirt!' he thought looking appreciatively at her legs.

'You IDIOT! What are you doing! Run for goal,' some one hissed. His mind snapped back to the football game. He had stopped running to look at her and defenders were gaining ground on him quickly. He raced forward and dribbled.

He pushed the ball to his best foot and prepared to shoot. 'Go A levels!' said the voice again. Distracted he looked up. And miskicked it horribly. To his suprised he barely missed. The corner flag that is.

There was a groan from the A level's crowd. 'Even a blind man could have shot better than that! What were you doing you idiot,' said his new friend Kenny.

'Sorry! I got distracted! We'll get the next ball!' he replied. He looked up again for the girl. But she wasn't there anymore. He sighed.

Two days to forget

2008-03-15T04:21:00.000-07:00

It was my birthday on the 12th of March... which was a horrible day for me... work work work... got bullied for most of the day at work... got nagged at... got scolded... the list goes on... the saving grace was spending time with my family for dinner... right after that Iwas so tired I just slept!

It was an uneventful birthday to say the least... I guess thats what happens when you get older... you tend to get less excited about birthdays... then comes a point when you dread them... that days still a whiles away tho... oh to be 16, 18 or 21 again... :)

The day after my birthday, the 13th obviously, marked a year since baby went missing from the house... Another reason I don't look foward to birthdays... I miss her horribly... I hope she's happy in her new home... eating well... playing with children and having a safe and good home environment... that is my birthday wish... that baby is happy...

simple no? but simple things are often the most difficult to come true...

This time I'll believe it will...

I don't have a choice...

We love you baby... come home to us some day... we will be waiting patiently... suki needs to meet her jie jie... :)

Got this from my bro... funny!

2008-03-14T01:13:00.000-07:00

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife . Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

I found...

2008-03-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

..... Suki's twin!

http://www.uniteddogs.com/photo/110628

except Suki has more freckles on her nose...

still her twins as adorable as she is :D

Dummies for Writing Email Introductions to your ex gf

2008-03-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

Ever felt awkward sending an email? Here's news for you... you're not the only one... All around the world, millions of people are struggling to write emails to friends, loved ones and ex loved ones. My particular interest is in writing to ex loved ones for today's topic. Here's a guide: Dummies for Writing Email Introductions to your ex gf... and no... its not backwards... its exactly how I want the title to be...

So lets say you're writing to some one who dumped you... how do you go about writing the introduction of your email?

1)
Hey ~~bitch~~
- perhaps apt but diplomacy is a better approach

Hey ~~whore~~
- who she sleeps with, be it the entire football team, is no longer your business so this is out of the question

Hey ~~you two timing slut~~
- you've got it wrong... you wanna save this till when she DOESN'T reply your email, then you use this

Hey stranger
- ahh... much better... ~~gives you another chance to nail the bitch and label it as a one night stand!~~

2)
~~Who you doing now?~~
- foreplay! foreplay!

~~So you're not dead yet?~~
- too hostile... imagine how scary it would be if she WAS dead and replied to you... don't dig your own grave (lame pun intended)

How are things with you?
- Good good.. appeal to her mind then stroke her ~~tits~~ ego... make her think you actually give a shit how she's doing... even if you don't... but err... if you don't why the fuck are you emailing her?

3)
~~Wanna play hide the salami?~~
- no wonder she's your bloody ex... you freakin sex addict!

~~I've been watching you~~
- Whoa... the whole 'Every Step You Take' thing died... Thus its 'I'll Be Missing You' now! Drop the stalker intentions!

~~What are you wearing now?~~
-Girls NEVER dress sexy for the sake of of being sexy alone... so you're likely to get a 'T-Shirts and last weeks panties' for a reply... are you sure you want to put yourself through that horrible imagery?

Its been a while, how have you been?
- Yes! Yes! YES! said Meg Ryan... you've hit the G spot with this. Pretend to care (see 1) for more information) how she is doing... at least make her feel guilty enough to read the rest of your ~~self absorbent pathethic excuse of a~~ email!

Here on ways you can talk about pretty much what ever you want... you've gotten her attention now... so its time to dish out the dirt! Have fun writing ~~emo~~ emails...

This concludes our lesson in Dummies for Writing Email Introductions to your ex gf... If you don't feel like a dummy after you've written it... wait a while... or a little longer... or perhaps forever... cause she ain't replying your lame ass back! Have fun!

2008-03-02T06:11:00.001-08:00

Close your eyes a second,

and wipe your tears dry.

Baby, stop sobbing,

and don't you cry.

So you've had your heart,

broken and torn in two.

But baby, don'tcha know,

he wasn't right for you.

So dry those soft,

baby brown eyes.

And babym don'tchu,

Don'tchu cry.

I know you fell hard,

you thought he was the one.

He was your moon, stars

and burning sun.

It's not like,

he stopped loving you.

We both know,

Thats not true.

Its no one's fault really
don't ya know.
It was time,
and he had to go.

He tried to change,

to be a better man.

But he was who he was,

in the end.

Flattering Urinals :D

2008-03-02T06:02:00.000-08:00

Nice idea don't you think guys? Bringing satisfaction to the whole peein'g experience... I can imagine the gay version of this... guys instead of girls... I wonder if straight people will be able to pee with other guys 'staring' at them... I mean we all know guys secretly 'check' each other out when they pee! Well err... not really... but you get the idea :)

I've survived week two!

2008-02-29T05:48:00.000-08:00

Finally the weekend is here... and I welcome it with HUGE open arms... I'm totally drained... my sprained back is aching like a bitch... I'm sleep deprieved... I'm tired... I'm cranky...

and theres work to be done over the weekend!

ARGH!

but that apart I'm happy that internship is starting to look a bit better... aside from a thing or two which I'll not bother ranting about :)

anyone have any ideas for a new story? I'm thinking of starting work on a new one soon...

so far the basic plots that have been suggested:

1) student - teacher love affair
2) human - fallen angel

I'm looking for something a lil different this time ;)

I found Joe on the WWW. =p

2008-02-27T22:57:00.001-08:00

well his display picture lookalike any way :)

lousy week so far

2008-02-26T20:21:00.001-08:00

I dreamnt of you for the first time in 3 years last night. It was a sad dream. I was looking for you as I was slowly dying from the pollution around me. And I couldn’t find you. All I could find was your sister. Who didn’t want to tell me where you were. I woke up stunned by the dream and even more shocked when I realised that there were tears streaming down my cheeks. Internship isn’t what I expected it to be at all. But I don’t want to go into too much detail about it. God knows who reads this blog. Would be like shooting myself in the foot. Suffice to say that I am looking forward to completing the next 11 weeks as soon as possible. The quicker the better. Sigh. Wednesday. Thursday and Friday to go. I will survive week two.

This little girl should be renamed Eunice Koe

2008-02-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK" she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." "How can you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Strawberry milkshake :)

2008-02-18T21:30:00.000-08:00

its finally completed... took me two months or so to write it... there's lots of typos and stuff which I have corrected in the manuscript...

well I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it...

any comments are welcome... maybe I can improve on it some more :)

cheers

vince

ChapterXIII

2008-02-18T20:02:00.000-08:00

Her phone beeped. It was him.

'I suggest you check your mail before your father does.' the message said.

She hurried to the front gate to get her mail. There was a parcel with her name on it.

She open it hurriedly, curious to see what was inside. There was a CD and a box.

'Listen to the CD first, the letter instructed.'

She rushed to her room and played the CD on her computer.

'I know its weird sending a CD. But you wouldn't listen to what I have to say over the phone. So here it is; my thoughts and feelings about everything that has happened between us. First of all I just want to say that being with you for the past two years of my life has been something special and something I'll treasure the rest of my life. I truely love you. At first I did not know the meaning of love. I look at my family and I feel that everything that is good has to come to an end some how. Now; after meeting you, I don't believe that is true any more.'

'I love you Yuki. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up next to you. I want to always be there when you need me. To hold your hand when you are lonely. To hug you when you are cold. To kiss you when you are sad. And to love you when you feel there is no hope left.'

'I know your father strongly objects to us being together. There is nothing I can do about that. I would if I could. I swear. But I'd like you to understand something else. You're not a little girl any more. You're 21. Old enough to vote. Old enough to make your own decisions. If you love me as much as I think you do, you shouldn't hesitate to admit it to yourself and to your family.'

'I'm not trying to tell you to leave your family and be with me. That would be horribly unfair of me. What I am trying to say is that we are both in love. And its not puppy love, we feel strongly about each other; so strongly that it HAS to be right.'

'I've been saving money ever since I started working. At first I thought it was just for a rainy day. Then I realised that there could be no rainer day than a future without you. You're a really smart . With your grades you should be able to get a scholarship. And since I'm working I will be able to support you financially and emotionally. I'm making enough money so that I can support your studies and still live comfortably. We can trust and depend on each other Yuki, don't you see that?'

'Be strong Yuki, Don't let other people dictate what course you take in life. Chase your dreams and live your life as your own. If you father is angry at first it will pass. You are after all his favorite daughter. When he finally understand how deeply in love we are, I'm sure he will understand and relent.'

'Now open the box that came with the parcel.'

She opened the box to see a small diamond ring. Unconsciously she slipped it on. It was a perfect fit.

'I want to marryou Yuki... I've never been more serious about anything in my life. Slip the ring on Yuki. It belongs to you and like your pendant, it is my love oath to you. Undying and forever. I will be waiting for you at the McD's we first met, I like little ironies. Heh. Come see me if you want this to happen. Move in with me. If not, I'll understand if you want to disappear from my life. Change your hand phone number. Change your email address, Do what you will with the ring. I'll give you up and not contact you any more. But I will always love you. Always.'

The CD stopped playing and she found herself crying. Holding tight to her ring, she went to pack her bags.

'Where are you going?' her father asked. 'Whats with the luggage?'

'I'm sorry daddy but I've made up my mind. I'm marrying Vince. I love him and he loves me. We belong together.' she replied softly.

'What nonsense is this. I'll pull you out of college. In fact I'll stop you from having any social life, let alone marrying that heathen mongrel.' he shouted.

'I don't need your money any more daddy. I'm marrying Vince. That's what I've decided.' she said firmly.

'I love you daddy and it breaks my heart to do this. But I have to. I can't imagine a life without Vince.' she added.

'Puppy love Yuki. You'll get over it soon. Stop being so stubborn and put your luggage down,' he growled.

'I'm sorry daddy. I can't. Good bye daddy. I hope find the love in your heart to accept and forgive me.' she said, running outside.

'You will NOT leave me. I'm your FATHER. You WILL listen to what I have to say.' he said angrilly, grabbing hold of her luggage.

'Let go daddy... let go... PLEASE... don't make this harder than it already is. I'm calling him to pick me up.'

Her father pulled at the luggage, refusing to let go. Try as she might Yuki couldn't move the luggage from her father's grasps.

She took a step back and pulled as hard as she could.

Her hand slipped and she found herself falling backwards... right into an oncoming lorry.

There was a loud bang and sbe fell several meter away, bleeding from her nose and eyes.

'Yuki! Yuki!' he father exclaimed.

The lorry driver rushed out of the lorry. 'Its not my fault! She jumped in front of my lorry! There was nothing I could do!' he exclaimed.

A small crowd gathered around the fallen girl. Yuki's father was hysterical. Screaming her name and trying to raise her to her feet. A man approached the two and checked Yuki's vital signs.

'Its no good. I'm sorry sir. She's dead.'

Her diamond ring was blood red and her hand phone was smashed to pieces.

He sat at the table drinking strawberry milkshake. Waiting patiently. 'She's probably just delayed,' he thought.

Some time later, a waiter approached him, ' I'm sorry, but were closing now. Its already 1am.' the waiter said.

'It is huh.' he sighed.

'Give me a second will ya?'

'Sure. Take your time sir.' the waiter replied.

He dialed Yuki's hand phone number. 'Sorry, but the number you have dialed is not in service.'

He tried again but got the same response.

'So thats what she decided.' Teary eyed he called for the waiter, 'Could I have a strawberry milkshake to go please?'

'Sure sir. Here you go.'

He sipped on the mikshake as he walked out the door. 'Strawberry milkshake. Unbelievably sweet. Unbelievably wonderful. I'll never forget the taste.'

With that he walked slowly towards the car, weeping gently.

Chapter XII :)

2008-02-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

He lay on the floor, completely wasted. His right hand reach for his whisky and he drank some more.

'What am I doing?' he groaned to himself.

'Is there any point to this? She's already left. Already found some one else.'

'Something doesn't feel right about it. Something's not quite there... but what?' he sighed.

He slept for a while and dreamed.

He was at the basketball court in ss18 playing hard. It was Christmas. His shooting was abysmal as always so he was about to pass the ball. Then he heard a voice say,' Shoot it baby! Shoot it!'.

So he shot the ball and watched it rise high in the sky. Spinning. Then it hit the net to a loud swish sound... the FRONT of the net! He curse then turned to see who had given him the command to shoot. Then he saw her.

Startled he called for a time-out and ran towards her.

'Baby, what are you doing here?' he said trying to hide his glee at seeing her.

'Where else would I be? Its Christmas. A girl's gotta be with her honey on Christmas you know!' she giggled.

He raised his arms to hug her, when she interuppted him abruptly, 'Don't you dare! You're all sweaty and horrible!' she complained.

'Ok. How about a Christmas hand shake then milady?' he asked. She nodded and imperiously gave her hand for him to shake. He took it and kissed her palm, trailing kisses upwards towards her shoulder.

'Honey! There are people here! Behave!' she chided.

'Christmas is all about sharingm. Let them look,' he grinned. Without a second thought he pulled her towards him into a huge hug and kissed her softly on the lips.

'Mmmffhpph... oh you jerk! I'm drenched!' she complained, pushing him away.

He laughed. 'Well... you definitely are now!' he said pouring his water on her.

'You JERK!' she screamed and ran after him waving her hands. He ran away from her for a good ten minutes then decided to let her catch him and face the music. After all this wasn't some Bollywood production.

She smacked him a few good ones and his arms were sore but he found himself laughing at her.

'My hand hurts! You thick skinned elephant!' she groused.

He took her hands and kissed them. 'There all better.' he smiled.

'Not! They still hurt!,' she insisted, tip toeing to kiss him full on the lips.

When the kissed finished, he teased her, 'Behave honey... there are people watching!'

'Oh shut up!' she said walking off in a huff. He grabbed her hand and pulled her close.

'Thanks for coming. Its the best Christmas I've ever had.' he smiled at her.

'It's just the beginning. Come open your present!' she giggled childishly, leading him to her car.

'Oh! Hugs, kisses and a present! I'm starting to LOVE Christmas,' he laughed.

'Here!' she passed him a small box.

'What is it?' he asked shaking the box.

'Something you'll like, I hope!' she replied. 'Open it hun!' she commanded.

He carefullly unwrapped the present taking his time. Then, she got impatient and tore the wrapping apart.

'Hey! I was gonna keep the wrapping!' he grumbled.

'It's just wrapping, look at the present!' she beamed excitedly.

It was a metal pendant. It read Vince on one side and Yu-Chan on the other. There were little hearts inscribed on it as well.

'Its perfect. Just what I wanted.' he hugged her.

'Remember this Vincy... If anything were to happen between us in the next year, hold on to this pendant. It will survive the worst of the weather and last through the hardest of times. Don't ever doubt how much we were in love when you hold this pendant. It's not just a pendant; it is my love oath to you,' she blushed then rested her head on his shoulder.

He opened his eyes.

'Pendant.' he thought.

He reached into his shirt and took out the pendant.

'She was lying! There is no one else. I know it. She was just saying that to push me away so I'd forget her. It must be because of her dad again.' he whispered to himself.

'I can't leave things the way it is,' he reached for his cellphone and called her.

'Hey stranger...' he whispered.

'Vince... I thought I told you things between us were over... why are you still calling?' her voice quavered.

'Over? Over because of a lie? There is NO someone else is there Yuki? You made that all up because your dad disapproves of us being together.'

'I'm sorry.' she whispered; close to tears.

He choked back the angry words that came to mind when he thought about her. Bile rised to his mouth and he wanted to spit badly. 'So you don't care? You're just gonna let your dad decide everything for you?' he asked her angrilly.

'I don't have a choice. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Thanks for ruining my day. Good bye,' she said, putting the phone down.

He slammed his curled up fist into a wall. It throbbed with a piercing sensation that calmed him down a little. 'Damn it! Why did things always have to be so freaking uphill?' he cursed to himself.

'Damn it all. I'm just gonna call the whole thing off. The hell should I care if she had this shitty attitude.

Then he thought about how much she meant to him. And thought about what he could do.

Apologise...

2008-02-11T02:41:00.000-08:00

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing newI loved you with a fire red-Now it's turning blue, and you say..."Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

Bridge (guitar/piano)

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeahI said it's too late to apologize, yeah-I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

Lately I've been hooked on this song... listening to it alot as to my life as of this moment it has a lot of meaning to me...

too late to apologise... meaning its too late to fix things or repair the damage that you've made...

some times... time passes and wound heal... but when they heal without a touch of love... a touch of forgiveness... they become scars... and when they scar it is too late for anything to be done about the wound... it is permanent...

lately I've been put in the position where I was given a chance to forgive and start things all over again... but it came two years too late... I couldn't forgive someone for something I already steeled my heart against... I wanted to forgive but could not find the compassion within me.. I wanted to love again... but loves buds already wilted...

but what is this feeling of sadness and lost? a fresh cut... and a deep one...

I just hope it doesn't scar =)

Officially missing you

2008-02-06T11:45:00.000-08:00

You know how they say time heals all wounds? I wonder if thats true... some wounds seem to linger... and they don't heal but instead fester...

I know its in bad taste to write emo stuff when its Chinese New Year... but at the same time, I've never been one to like festivals...

Some how it always feels like the past was too good to be true... and the future too bleak to wade into...

2 years ago this time of the year I was madly in love...

1 year ago I had my heart broken into pieces...

valentines day?

meh... I've stopped celebrating it since we broke up...

[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all
I don't know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say baby safe to say
That I'm officially missing you

[Chorus][Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]
It official
You know that I'm missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I'm officially missing you

Sarcasm! :D

2008-02-05T02:53:00.000-08:00

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed...... Skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a women - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Extreme (Photoshop) Makeover

2008-02-04T03:21:00.001-08:00

Amazing photoshop at work

Hey guys! Need a little help :)

2008-02-02T12:12:00.001-08:00

go vote for me and win me 5k!

http://happy.com.my/happymoments/happymoments_rank.aspx?page=&ID=a80ce7db-29ea-428b-8e4e-5e35c5b4f310

trust me... mineee iss the bessssssssssssssttttttttttttt...

well if it isn't... you still better vote for me... or I'll put thumb tacks in your shoes >:(

Happy Moments

2008-02-02T11:35:00.000-08:00

Everyone has happy moments that make him or her happy. My personal day dream is what makes me happiest and smile when I'm down. My very own private made up happy moment. ITS MINE AND I'M NOT SHARING... well for RM 5,000 I might share... xP~... It goes something like this:

'The wind blew gently across the lawn. The sun was high in the sky, signalling its dominance over the land. A land full of greenery... and... ??? ... ??? puppies????

Hundreds of little puppies stamping their tiny paws. Running here and there. The ground shook with a distant rumble. A rumble all too familiar to the old couple who live in 'Pupland'. Which was named 'Pupland'... because of the puppies! Duh!

The oldest couple in the street, A and B. Named A and B, because C and D were copyrighted. Apparently some smart ass named his invention CD. The nerve of some people stealing ideas even before they are made. Tsk.. tsk...

Anyway, they're named A and B, cause some other idiot took A & W. Thats a whole new rant all together, so don't ask me why they're called A and B. People these days have no orginality whatsover.

Moving on swiftly. This old couple were sun drying their hides. Yes, after you reach a certain age, your skin becomes extra thick. Little things don't embarass you anymore. So it's no longer considered 'skin'. It's considered a hide.

Umm, like I was saying, the old couple were sunning their hides. Okay... okay, they were sun bathing. Maybe they were sunbathing hoping that the sun would burn away some of their wrinkly bits. You see if it burned away ALL their wrinkly bits, there'd be nothing left of them. YES! They were THAT old.

The nice thing about this couple was that their wrinkles were mostly smile lines. Sure there were other lines too. Giggle lines, Grin lines. Laugh lines. Mostly happy sorta lines. There were some lines, if you looked REALLY REALLY hard, that weren't so happy. But that was a very very very long time ago. Way before the comets wiped out Chinese schools and traffic jams. ( :D )

So A, the lady of the couple. Don't ask me why A is the female. Females by nature are dominating and like being the higher grade. So I gave this one to her. Oh great, now you've done it. You've sparked another one of those terrible questions. 'Do you love me enough to let me be A?'

Heres the answer. 'Honey I love you enough for you to be ALL the articles, 'A', 'an' and 'the' even!' I'm so kind I could kick myself some times. No need for help :) Thanks for the thought tho.

Any way A was sipping her ice lemon tea and enjoyin sunning herself. She did perspire a little. Yes perspire. Only men and pigs sweat by the way. Amazing how pigs managed that. After all they have no sweat glands. Perhaps this balances out the fact that men are ALL glands. Let's not go into details on that one.

As I was saying before you interrupted, A was perspiring and baking under the sun, when a bunch of yelping occured. 'Hun, baby is at it again,' said A.

B of course being male, was fast asleep. We're immune to sounds and noise when we rest. And we rest when ever we damn well please. Well, ALMOST all noise.

'HOI! BABY IS MISBEHAVING AGAIN.' said the noise. I mean said A.

Anyone else noticed how 'Honey' was abbreviated to 'HOI' in this particular instance.

This is not due to unnecessary anger or aggression. A was merely being considerate. B after all was a little older than she. His hearing was not all it used to be. Thus, 'HOI' effectively is a shorter and louder sound that B could hear clearly.

*sigh*

What a loving couple.

'Whats the ~~bitch~~ ~~monster~~ dog up to this time?' grumbled B. Old men are by nature cranky. The strikeouts are not because we were censoring. It was merely B being considerate to his lady's tastes and mumbling under his breath.

Okay.. okay... so like most men, the old man was muttering to avoid his lady hearing and him getting a nagging.

'She's chasing the pups away from her toys again.' said A.

'Oh thats nice dear.' said B tactfully. Truthfully, in hope that A would drop the topic.

'Go stop her! That's NOT nice! The poor puppies,' said A hitting new octaves as she spoke.

Women tend to do that. The higher the tone of voice they take, the clearer the sign of how upset they are. God was kind to men in that sense; when it comes to understanding women. Not so kind to our ear drums though if you ask me.

Grumbling the man went to greet his disobedient mutt.

Mean while, A continued feeding their grandchild, Nicole, milk from the bottle.'

Hundreds of puppies. Grand children to love. And my lady. Thats my daydream and my happy moment. :)

clicky here to vote for me
http://happy.com.my/happymoments/happymoments_rank.aspx?page=&ID=a80ce7db-29ea-428b-8e4e-5e35c5b4f310

:D

2008-02-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

This monkey has a pet Dragon

I met this dragon girl
Whose smile would make your toenails curl
Some would say she’s real pretty
But what I like about her is that she’s witty

We met not too long ago
But my liking for her has begun to grow
She’s kind and open minded
Our conversations are fun and never one sided

She’s something special as you can see
She’s as fun as can be
Although people say friendships grow slow
She defies all logic that I know

Just overnight she’s become my close friend
Some one I’d treasure from the start to the end
She’s moved pretty away =
But in my heart and mind she will always stay

So dear dragon if you read this
Here’s a hug and a big kiss
You’re like my little sister I never had
I wish you’re always happy and never sad

If ever you’re down
And you feel there’s no one around
You can turn to me
Cause I promise I’ll always be there for you to see

This is my poem for you
Sealed with love and blood too
An unswerving love nothing can bend
I pray we will be friends till the very end.

I'm a fat man

2008-02-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

As I grow
rounder and rounder
I have to stop
and ponder

Should I have skipped
dessert last night?
Why the hell
are my pants so tight?

I'm literally cheekier
than I used to be
The fat man in me
is starting to get free

If you pull at my spare tyres
or my extra chins
I'll smack you so hard
that your world spins

I might be fatter now
but look at it this way
I can diet it all way
You're butt ugly everyday!