Speak With me

On March 11th, he was arrested at his apartment's parking lot in Segambut. Police brought him to an apartment he rented in Kepong, and after entering, claimed that in that residence, he possessed 800grams of cocaine, and 140grams of methamphetamine, and accused him of processing and trafficking, putting him under the risk of being charged under Section 39B, which carries the death penalty.

On March 12th he was remanded for 7 days. When my parents inquired if we can engage a lawyer, the Investigation Officer told us "No need".

On March 17th, after our family waited more than an hour, we were allowed to see him for the very first time, under supervision.
Again my mother asked if we should get him a lawyer, again the I.O advised against it, claiming "Lawyer tak boleh buat apa-apa sekarang. Buang duit je. (Lawyer can't do anything now. It's simply a waste of money)."

On March 18th, his remand was extended another 7 days. The magistrate inquired why there was no lawyer present for him, and whether he was made aware he had the right to a counsel of his choice. He replied "No." Therefore, he requested for one, and only nine hours later, did the I.O call to inform my mother, who promptly engaged Amer Hamzah Arshad.

But the very next day, the police used their Executive authority under Section 28A that vetoed his right to a counsel. All requests made by our lawyer to visit him was denied.

Only after we complained to SUHAKAM, did the police allow Amer to visit him.
On the last day of his remand.
After the investigations were concluded.
For only 15 minutes.

On March 25th, he was brought to court, and charged under Section 12(2) for possession of 0.24grams of metaphetamin in his Segambut residence. Nothing the police claimed they found in the Kepong residence, the cocaine and shabu that was "already packaged to be distributed" or the so called "cocaine processing mini-lab" was brought to court.

Because there WAS none.

He was released on bail. A trial date was set. He was so close to being free, and seeing his 4 year old son again.
But as he was signing the papers of his release, the Plainclothes were outside waiting.

Not two steps after he came out of the bail department, without any explanation, they re-arrested him. Amer was restrained from protecting him, and only after Amer repeatedly asked them to show their I.D, did they do so. Still, no explanation was given to the family. We were merely told to go to the Headquarters and speak to Inspector Kang. The same guy who claimed my brother possessed the cocaine they NEVER found.

He never saw us, he was "in a meeting." He wasn't too occupied to give the press a statement, but was unavailable to see us.
We were told by the new I.O for this case, and the DSP (the guy who signed the papers denying my brother the right to a counsel) that they are detaining him for 60 days under the Special Preventive Measures Act (LPK), after which, they could further detain him for 2 years if found guilty.

Guilty according to THEM. For under this act, it is a detention without trial, like the Internal Security Act. Any information gathered from "witnesses" and "investigations" will never be disclosed to him or his lawyer, or the court. He will also not be able to defend himself against any allegations. Under this act, he will never have his day in court.

On March 25th, my brother, Ben, was denied his Constitutional rights.

For 2 weeks, our family went through hell. Sleepless nights, press waiting outside our door, Ben had asthma attacks after the police delayed themselves in acquiring the requested medication for 3 days, mama suffered chest pains and lost her voice.
We felt it was all worth it, for we would be able to have him back.

But now, a new nightmare has begun.
Whether or not Ben is guilty, should not be for the Police to decide. If they HAD the evidence to strengthen their warrant for re-arrest, why was it not brought to court? Why is Ben not given a chance to defend himself? How can we ever know the authenticity of these so called witnesses and their statements? If there were ANY to begin with?

Under this act, I could simply be caught for any crimes of drug offences the police accuse me of, because they can claim they have enough information (even if they have absolutely nothing) and detain me. For 60 days, for 2 years, and even EXTEND it after.

Acts like this and the ISA are licenses for ARBITRARY arrest and detention. Anytime. Anywhere. Anybody.

My family and Amer will not back down. We will fight for Ben's right. We will speak up for all of those who were silenced before us, who will be silenced hereafter.

But we seek your help. In any way at all, help us fight this. Re-post this, write on your blogs, write to your local representative, to our newspapers, and together we shall use our voice, our art, our space, to stand up not just for Ben, but for all our rights.

Liberty is a Constitutional right. It's time to get it back.

The feminist Genesis

"Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all
of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but
I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain;
all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and
will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he
will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in
childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He
won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think
properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with arched eyebrows,"but what's the catch,
Lord?"

"Well.....you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that, Lord? "

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring...so you'll have
to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our
little secret...you know, woman to woman..."

Out with the Old and In with the New

I've moved to this blog: www.thehiddenlights.blogspot.com


I guess I should answer some of your questions.


Why did I decide to change my blog?

• I've changed and so I wanted to change my blog
• Wanted to start something fresh and to move on from the past. A lot of the posts there get under my skin when I read them now. LITERALLY!
• to get away from those lick hung bastards who keep spamming that 3 year old post! (half kidding)
  

Why from The Warped Mind to Hidden Lights?

• The Warped Mind was when I was going through a bad bad patch in my life, I've moved on from that patch
• I'm still cynical and pessimistic! That much hasn't changed! Just the degree of it has changed I guess. Just like the concept of Hidden Lights... there is normally a lining to every dark cloud... no matter how fine it is. Sometimes you just don't see it. Trust me. It happens.
  
• The nature of my writing is still dark and twisted I guess. No helping that. But am hoping to move towards a slightly less emo style of writing at least! (sorry Yelena!)
  

Will I be deleting The Warped Mind?

• Nope. I won't be deleting it. It'll stay there. Its like an archive of sorts for me anyways.
  
• I will be transferring SOME of the old stuff here... mostly the stories and some of the more interesting posts... If I am feeling hard working that is ;)

Other questions?

• Jus drop a comment here or drop me an email : cgdevoli@hotmail.com

Here's to new beginnings. Cheers.

The words that whisper

Here I am again old friends
Whispering to myself and at my wits ends
Surrounded again by familiar faces
Of the numbness and hurt there are no traces

Here I am again
Looking for solace from the pain
A thousand ideas floating and floating
Whispering to me and begging writing

Here I am again alone
Feeling pieces of me slowly turn to stone
The words all slowly whisper to me
And I'm no longer conscious you see

Here I am again and nothing matters
And only to the inner voice I cater
No other thought resounds and I am free
As I go on my writing spree

Here I am ... jus a bit later
reading what I put to paper
So this is where its like to be a writer
I hate it... I hate being alone here

Decorating the christmas tree

Slemo challenged me to write this piece a while back... just that I hadn't been able to find the time... I still don't have the time... but I need to do something desperately to take my mind off things for a little while...

There was the scent of ash and brine stone that not so subtly lingered. The heat from the the room was intense and almost suffocating. It was so bright in the room that it seemed to glow bright red.

Then the lights went out.

He sighed. 'Power outage,' he thought to himself. 'Right on time too.' But he didn't need light to see what he was doing. It was an age old routine for him. Decorating his Christmas tree. He reached for the box at the floor and continued.

Christmas. What a wonderful time of the year.

Couples reunited over the holidays. Holding hands while walking down streets lit up with Christmas decorations. Kissing each other under the mistletoe. Making passionate love under the starlight. People randomly hooking up in the spirit of Christmas.

He placed the first of his decorations on the tree.

The food. Yes. How can one forget the food! Always plenty to eat! Turkey, mash potato, mac and cheese... The list of food just goes on and on. Banquets, tables filled to the brim with foods that tease and pleasure the palate endlessly. You could just eat and eat and then some more.

The second of the decorations went on the tree.

Sleeping in on Christmas morning. Lazing around; a comfort of doing something so obscenely simple; yet is denied to us on working days. Lying in bed daydreaming. Just doing nothing at all.

Smiling to himself, he placed the third decoration.

The shopping! Oh! The shopping! Every woman's dreams come true! Huge discounts! Malls opened till late. Buying things that you don't exactly need but get anyway because well... its Christmas. A small splurge won't hurt. We'll just tighten our belts later on. Okay, maybe a little bigger than a small splurge. But its all in the spirit of Christmas.

He rolled his eyes and placed the fourth decoration on the tree.

Then comes the showing off. My gift to my wife cost me 12,000 pounds. I bought my girlfriend a brand new diamond ring for Christmas. Ego masturbation via expensive gifts for your loved ones and the best part? Showing it off to everyone who can see it.

Smirking, he added the fifth decoration.

The poor people. Looking through windows at fancy restaurants where people feasted. Waiting in the cold desperately for any kind of hand out. Picking scraps from the rubbish bins. Their hearts full of bitterness and jealousy towards those who had everything they wanted and more for Christmas.

Yes. Yes. This is more like it. The sixth decoration took its place.

Traffic jams. Overcrowding. Hatred. Blinding hatred. Alcoholism. Robberies. Car accidents. People screaming their pain out for all their lacking during Christmas. People furious at themselves for not being able to get what they wanted for Christmas. Not being able to afford to. Angry at themselves for spending Christmas alone because they have no one else. Bitterness.

The final decoration took its place at the tree.

At that second, the lights came back on. The screams of the damned returned to the room. The heat burned a thousand times hotter than it has been a second ago.

'I guess the break's over. Even the damned deserve a small reprieve. Its Christmas after all. '

Lust, gluttony, sloth, greed, pride, envy and anger.

My seven favorite decorations for Christmas.

'You gotta love Christmas,' and what was once the most beautiful face in the world, lit up.

'Awesome for business.'

One of My favorite poems

DULCE ET DECORUM EST₁

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas!⁷ Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Compare it with this poem:

Charge of the Light Brigade

1.

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

2.

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

3.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

4.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

5.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

6.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred.

Like many things in life, the media glorifies things that shouldn't be glorified. War. Beauty. Living life in the fast lane. And yes; even love.

Look past the cliches. Look past the poster pictures of how things should be. Look at how they ACTUALLY are. Don't forget they are trying to sell you an image, a life style, and ideal. Their versions are basically version that are beyond your reach. They make you want something that you can't attain. They make you dream a little too hard. Put a little bit too much of yourself into it.

Then things crumble around you, when you realise... it was an impossible dream after all.

Confidence restored

Last night was a pretty scary thing for me... Since the debacle at S&S Malaysia last year.. I've not been very confident about my work at all... in terms of writing scripts and plays... yea... I know most of you said it wasn't the scripts fault... but I still feel that if it was a strong enough script it would have pulled through poor actors and a bad director... So I felt the blame was partly mine... if not mostly mine...

My latest script had pretty mixed reactions when I showed it to my friends. I guess the biggest thing to me was that old man and bro didn't like it. Cliched jokes. Cliched writing. And those were among the nicer things my old man and bro said about it!

Imagine how nervous I was when I was about to let a bunch of strangers at LiveShox read it out and then comment on it. People you've never met before, they don't have to pretend to like it. They don't have to mince words.

Wow. This sucks.

Wow. This is the worse crap I've ever read.

Wow. You what a waste of ten minutes of my life.

Yes. My imagination ran wild at the negative comments I would get for the script. Yes. I'm an eternal pessimist! Act surprised at that statement please! ACT LA!!!! =)

When it was almost my turn for my script to be read, I could feel my hands get clammy and sweaty. My stomach felt like it was going to twist itself out of my insides into my outsides! Thats when I text licia.... and she said everything would be ok... that it was a good script and I was worrying too much... I felt a little better... but still nervous as hell....

It was like a wine to my ears... hearing them laugh at the jokes I thought people would think were sick... or lame.... it was music to my ears when people who had a copy of the script were laughing before the readers read the lines... It was close to a multiple orgasm when they expressed shock at the twist at the end... and laughed all the harder....

Looking at the smiles around me... I found myself looking for the one smile.... that mattered most to me... which wasn't there.... and that tainted the moment for me... I wish you were there to watch my rebirth licia... to see my confidence about my writing go throught the ashes and burn brightly again...

Either way... I don't feel so useless anymore =)

To baby Jenhong ... love uncle bince

little feet and a little smile
how beautiful is our first born child
we promise to care for you
and as parents always be true
from small things to big things
from a toy ball to your own personal swing
we promise to provide for you
and more importantly to always love you too

V day~*

Not quite how I imagined how I would be spending it...

not gonna go into details... but jus wanna say thx to a few people who were of big help!

Eunice ~* thanks for all the help with the color scheme and finding little little pictures!
YY ~* thanks for helping me figure out how to move the boxes and finding the template!
B ~* thanks for fixing my script for the repeat for the gradient background
Ming Ming ~* for suggesting the gradient background idea

most of all.. I would like to thank:

GOOGLE!

w/o which nothing would have been possible = =;

Writing and my Licia...

Ok... as you can see from the blog posts lately... I've not been posting much... I've been busy... in the nicest and most amazing way possible...

Jus a few things to talk about really...

First off, I am as of 19.01.09 , in a LDR relationship with Licia. I know some of you are suprised. Yea. Vince? Relationship? Let alone LDR!

Others will probably snicker and mutter dirty old man. I would like to point you in the direction of the nearest cliff and tell you to jump head first down it :) *is only half kidding*

I have some explaining to do I guess.

Its a little complicated between the two of us. Neither of us believe in LDR relationships. And from the first outlook of things, it didn't look like a LDR was in the cards. In the end, I'm super happy to say, we decided to take a leap of faith and have a crack at it! But I get ahead of myself. To be honest, I never saw a relationship in the cards at all!

No I'm not saying I jus wanted to fool around. Me n Licia have always been reasonable close. Bitching buddies. Ranting pals. We chat a lot on msn, and spam via sms sporadically abt small things, big things... basically most things. But I've always viewed her as a good friend. And yes, a little sister even.

So how did we go from sister - brother to bf - gf? I don't have an answer for you. I don't think she does either. It was jus a case of hanging out more and more. Enjoying each others company. I can't speak for her, but it became pretty damn addictive. I found myself talking more and more to her. Texting her when I couldn't see her or talk to her. Enjoying watching her laugh. Feeling helpless but to smile when she did. Reaching to hug her when she looked sad, or looked like she had something on her mind.

When you spend that much time with someone, and find yourself asking when you will see them again, you know something special is going on. Before I knew it, I guess she snagged my heart.

In the most wonderful way possible =)

When me n Licia talked about it, we couldn't explain what really happened either. I guess there is some magic left in the world after all. =)

The complication arises from the fact a few friends were 'interested' in her. They've always suspected I was trying to hit on her. Or something along those lines. I've always maintained she is like a little sister to me. But, like I explained earlier... it jus happened. And I make no apologies for it.

I have no qualms about being with her. And frankly, if you have anything bitchy or nasty to say; say it to me. I couldn't give a flying fuck. But if I find out you said anything to upset or hurt her feelings; I'd suggest that trip down the cliff I recommended to you earlier. It will be far less painful than what I'd do to you ;)

People say big events affect you in terms of mentality, perspectives and outlooks. Having Licia as a part of my life is no different. Looking at the past blog posts and stuff I've written, I feel like I'm reading stuff a different person wrote. I'm tempted to delete most of it actually. But I guess it is better to come to terms with the past than to ignore or pretend it never happened.

I've written 3 pieces for the first time since the S&S disaster. I feel refreshed. And I feel a difference in my writing style. Maybe some of you will notice it when I come out with my new pieces. Maybe you'll think, 'Whatever Vince... its the same old bullshit!'. Maybe it is. But it is MY bullshit. So if I say it smells like roses now instead of ammonia, you have two choices :

1) agree with me and read my writing
2) disagree and go back to your kiddy porn for entertainment ;)

I am ready to move back into my little realm of writing again. With some changes. Of course dark humor is still my forte and fav element. But I will even try to be slightly less emo ;P~ (please note the emphasis on TRY!)

Will be updating a lot more often from today onwards I hope. I'm targeting these few events / competitions this year for now:

1) MPH shortlist story
2) S&S Singapore
3) S&S Malaysia
4) S&S Aussie

I have the rough idea of what I want to write for the MPH competition. I've written my piece for S&S as you can see in the earlier blog post. The rest will come with time. So be patient with me.

I just wanna end this post with a little msg for my baby. I want to steal your favorite line every time I drop you off at your place. 'Thank you baby!'.

Thank you for not being afraid of my dark side. Thank you for accepting it. Thank you for helping me come to terms with a lot of things I didn't want to think about or face in the past. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for being my muse. Thank you for a wonderful start to the year. Thank you for rejuvenating my ambitions. Thank you for reminding me about the simple things in life that can make you happy. Thank you for making me feel again. Thank you for helping me relearn the meaning of contentment and peace of mind. Thank you for all the things we will learn together and do together in the future.

And most of all.

Thank you for loving me.

I love you dragon =)

We'll make it work. I know we will. And whatever happens baby, I will not have any regrets.